托福独立作文求批改!给出建议和大概分数Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement?Themostimportantaspectofajobisthemoneyapersonearns.Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouranswer.Itistruethatmone

Question

托福独立作文求批改!给出建议和大概分数
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It is true that money plays a crutial part in our life.We need money for almost everything.But I oppose the opinion that money is the most important part of a job.There are really much important things than money in a job.For instance,friendship,experience and feelings you get when you are working.
Friendship that we get from a job can be really valuable.We know that in a company,everyone wants a higher position and higher salary.For that reason,many people will do everything to reach their goal.You have no idea who wants to trap you or who really likes you.That’s why I said that friendship is really treasureable during you work.Even if you have a large amount of money,you can not buy true friendship.
Experience is also an important aspecect of a job.In a company,you can do lots of things that you have never done before.For example,you may design a building or you will hold a meeting like a real adults.You may do those things all for the first time.Perhaps you didn’t do well for the first time,but you will be better and better by practise.That’s what people always say,practise makes perfect.These experience makes you perfect step by syep.And you can not get that by money.
The last thing which is also crucial is the feelings.At work,sometimes you may feel happy about your little success or the praise from your boss.Sometimes you may feel awful about the pressure whoever gives you.Some times you may embarrased because your workmate just mocked at your work.Whatever the feelings are,bad feelings or good feelings,they all make your job unique and fascinating.All jobs can get money but the feelings are totally different.

Answer 1

优：
1.结构清晰,观点明确
2.语言流畅,语法基本正确
3.观点论述的挺好的
缺：
1.个别单词拼写还有小语法错误要注意,难得错几个没事,多了就会有影响了
2.例子不具体,没有specific的支持你的观点
3.字数太少,虽然托福要求字数是300,但是想拿好的分,起码写到400,要拿高分,起码500
4.结尾段哪儿去了?
大概分数 20出点头吧