这句英文有没有语病和更好的写法InDecember2000,shewaspromotedastheSupervisoroftheExecutiveDepartment,whomwasresponsibleforsettingtargetsforthedepartmentaccordingtotheannualplanofthecompany,organizingsalesmeet

Question

这句英文有没有语病和更好的写法
In December 2000,she was promoted as the Supervisor of the Executive Department,whom was responsible for setting targets for the department according to the annual plan of the company,organizing sales meetings and leading staffs to meet the targets.

Answer 1

两个问题
首先,WHOM WAS RESPONSIBLE不对,光是改语法应该是WHO就可以,但其实WHO WAS两个字均可去掉,逗号后直接跟RESPONSIBLE FOR .的从句即可.
其次,STAFF是集合名词,所以没有必要加S表示复数.要么直接用STAFF,或者用STAFFERS还有STAFF MEMBERS都可以.
这么长的句子,就两个小错,基本功不错了.总体句子结构也算合理,虽然肯定有更好的写法,但伤筋动骨的大改没有必要了.