作文批改!给点建议!Itisrightthatuniversitygraduatesshouldearnhighersalarythanlesswell-educatedmembers.Towhatextenddoyouagreeordisagree?正文：Thereismuchdebatesurroundingtheissueofuniversitygraduatesbeingpaidm

Question

作文批改!给点建议!
It is right that university graduates should earn higher salary than less well-educated members.To what extend do you agree or disagree?
正文：There is much debate surrounding the issue of university graduates being paid more salary than those who have never been to university for further educations.I tend to agree with this statement to a large extend that paying more money to well-educated workers is justified.
To begin with,university graduates contribute more to our society than their less-educated peers both theoretically and practically.Unlilke the practical skills that could be learnt through general work,the theoretical knowledge,which is the driving force behind the productivity,could only be acquired via university education.In fact,the university students should apply themselves and work hard at school to grasp what they are suppose to learn,and eventually apply their theoretical knowldge into practice to boost the industrial productivity.Therefore,their efforts should be highlighted by gaven financial support in terms of their contribution to theoretical and practical developments.
However,some people may argue that it is unjustified that a person's standard of income should just be decided simplely based on his or her standard of education.And,this is often true that a person who has never studied at university still can be a professor at his or her job and then earn high salary.I personally think only a few people can achieve the top of their professions without university education.If they do achieve it,they surely should be highly paid.
In conclution,a good payment for the university graduates,I think,is reasonable.In addition,the less-educated workers should also have the same treatment as long as his or her contribution is as valued as his or her well-educated colleagues.

Answer 1

应该说你很会考试,至少在模式上,所以文章看起来中规中矩.文章切题,但第一段比较模式化,关键是第三段论证的很仓促,不令人信服,论证清楚才是至少得到6分的基础,另外要稍微加大难度单词和复杂句式的添加.多看看范文,掌握高分作文的特点也很重要!此文是5.5分
There is much debate surrounding the issue of university graduates being paid more salary than those who have never been to university for further educations.I tend to agree with this statement to a large extend that paying more money to well-educated workers is justified.
To begin with,university graduates contribute more to our society than their less-educated peers both theoretically and practically.Unlilke the practical skills that could be learnt through general work,the theoretical knowledge,which is the driving force behind the productivity,could only be acquired via university education.In fact,the university students should apply themselves and work hard at school to grasp what they are suppose /supposedto learn,and eventually apply/ 这个单词比较重复,可以改成理论联系实际 link theory to practice their theoretical knowldge into practice to boost the industrial productivity.Therefore,their efforts should be highlighted by gaven financial support in terms of their contribution to theoretical and practical developments.
However,some people may argue that it is unjustified that a person's standard of income should just be decided simplely/simply based on his or her standard of education.And,this is often true that a person who has never studied at university still can be a professor at his or her job and then earn high salary.I personally think only a few people can achieve the top of their professions without university education.If they do achieve it,they surely should be highly paid.
In conclution,a good payment for the university graduates,I think,is reasonable.In addition,the less-educated workers should also have the same treatment as long as his or her contribution is as valued as his or her well-educated colleagues.