我这篇雅思作文有什么文法错误大概能得几分Itisawell-establishedthatwehaveanobligationtopreventanimals.Whilehuman-beingfactorsleadtothisseriousproblem,thusIwouldliketoanalysethemandseekseveralsolutions.Th

Question

我这篇雅思作文有什么文法错误 大概能得几分
It is a well-established that we have an obligation to prevent animals.While human-being factors lead to this serious problem,thus I would like to analyse them and seek several solutions.
The reasons for this phenomenon are multiple.In the first instance,lack of awareness about protecting environment contributes partly to reducing the amount of animals.In the other words,an increasing number of people have noticed that the protection of animals.Whereas they ignore the serious pollution and destroyed environment that would cause several animals' disease.Just like air pollution,animals' lung disease is largely engendered by air pollution.Secondly,most of people do knowledges about animals barriers protection of animals.It is for upon reasons that failing to improve the situation.
To the protection of animals,people put forward several suggestions.To begin with due to environmental pollution threaten to the animals,government and individuals should assume the responsibility of reducing it.Secondly this situation can be changed,the measure is not only strengthening the management but also accessing persons' knowledge about animals.
In brief,only taking the above-mentioned measures,can this pressing situation be controlled.Without animals,we would not have superior lives.Water is to fish what animal to human-being.

Answer 1

首先,第一句well-established后面应该加一个名词；
第二,第二段里an increasing number of people have noticed that the protection of animals,楼主你是不是想说,“越来越多的人意识到要保护动物”,但其实这句话应将that 去掉,因为有了that后面引导就是一个从句,那么后面应该加个is important才会使句子完整.