GREissue练习,刚刚开始写,求好心人指点一下该在哪方面提高?另外能拿几分?TOPIC:ISSUE212-"Ifagoalisworthy,thenanymeanstakentoattainitisjustifiable."WORDS:459TIME:00:45:00DATE:2011-4-514:

Question

GRE issue 练习,刚刚开始写,求好心人指点一下该在哪方面提高?另外能拿几分?
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 459 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2011-4-5 14:56:00
The author's claim, I assume, is too extreme. While in some circumstances the means may be justifiable but simply follow the author's recommendation can be really dangerous. Whether the means are justifiable or not are not merely decided by their goals, instead, we should think over many more things before we finally judge them.
I first time see the similar assertion as the author's from the profile of Abraham Lincoln. When Lincoln launch the civil war, he exactly claim the same thing. Even so many people get killed, this civil war is still justifiable because it extricate so many citizens from slavery. And in this case, I also tend to agree with the same assertion but only on the condition that there is no other better way else. As all we know, war is a great evil, but in some certain circumstances, there leaves us no choice. When it comes to this, then even the war can also be justifiable. Think about it, if our predecessors are reluctance to join the world war two and fight against Nazi we may still have no freedom. So if the sacred goal is worthy and there is only one evil path, then this evil path turns out sacred as well and we need to choose it.
However, there is another premise before I totally agree with the author's assertion: whether the goal is mistaken or not. To define the goal might be the essential and first task for all of us. If we misunderstand the goal it can cause great damage to the society. Simply put, the terrorists' goal is exactly wrongheaded even they consider their goals justifiable however their goals are not. They bomb the buildings, kill the innocent people, and murder the politician in order to achieve their sacred goal. So is what they have done justifiabe? Appearantly not. What they have done is crime not justice. So before we decide to take the author's advice, we should think over what our final goal is, and actually is it justifiable or not.
Moreover, sometimes we should also calculate the cost in achieving the final goal. Does it really worth it? Because even sometimes the goal is justifiable but the cost is too huge for us to afford. In this case, maybe it is time to renounce your goal. For a extreme example, if you are dying and there is one way to save your life, but it is at the cost of millions of others' lives. So would you take this way? Is this way justifiable? Certaintly not, because it is unfair for others. Even save one's own life is justifiable, but take this way just make one's whole life in regrets and this cost is unworthy.
To sum up, the author's assertion sounds reasonable, however, without any premises taking this assertion may cause total disaster. Only after we think over our goals and the cost of the path carefully and make sure there is no way better, can we final make a right decision.

Answer 1

第一,语法还不过关,第一段短短4行我看到3处语法错误
第二,句式和用词都太简单
第三,个人感觉论证还可以再充实一下
不过,整个文章套路还是对的,逻辑也很清楚