求帮忙批改雅思大作文.Topic：Successfulsportsprofessionalscanearnagreatdealmoremoneythanpeopleinotherimportantprofessions.Somepeoplethinkthisisfullyjustifiedwhileothersthinkitisunfair.Discussboththeseviewsand

Question

求帮忙批改雅思大作文.
Topic：Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
求帮忙批改打分加评价修改.
In this day and age,famous sport stars can earn a large amount of money than the professionals in other areas,which intrigues a heated debate over this topic.
It is argued that this phenomenon is natural.The majority of the sportsman are sent to the trainning school in their childhood,in which they practice skills year after year.No pains,no gains.The sports professionals sacarifice their happiest young age to perform in the competition the people all over the world may be interested in.It is justified for them being capable of make enough money.Some people,however,object it for it is unfair for the other professionals.They hold the view that it may causes more teenagers take part in the sporting area instead of learning harder to get other careers.Those officers devote themseves to a career deserve a comparative high salary for their contribution to society.
As far as I deem,I'm more in favor of the former views.Successful sports stars suffered a lot of pain in their practice.For example,Yao Ming,a famous basketball player in China,experienced some sugeries because he was badly hurt in the sports event.The more risk and sweater they take,the more money the deserve.
In conclusion,it is fair for sportsmen to make substantial money,Not all kinds of career demand an excellent performance of their employees.
看了下范文感觉写的和那种形式非常不一样,这样的可以么?

Answer 1

总体还好,但是格式有些死板.而且简单的语法错误有些多,单复数,过去时.尽量不要犯这样的低级错误.