雅思作文不求修改只求打分~Societyisbasedonrulesandlaws.Itcouldnotfunctionwellifindividualswerefreetodoastheyplease.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?Withadvancementofhumancivilization,modernsocietyisexperi

Question

雅思作文 不求修改 只求打分~
Society is based on rules and laws.It could not function well if individuals were free to do as they please.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With advancement of human civilization,modern society is experiencing transformation.The expansion of population and ethnical diversity makes it difficult running without rules and laws.Speaking for myself,I agree the argument partially.
In contemporary world,in any nations,there are innumerable regulations and laws,which aim to set up moral standard and regulate human’s behavior and ensure that any individual infringed laws have to pay the price.All of this is to guarantee the health of society.Suppose if some anti-social persons intend to bomb the government building or kill children to express their discontent of some affaires,and meanwhile there are no rules or laws to deter the vicious behavior,what will happen to us?Definitely,these people will never feel frightened or irresolute to commit crimes and a great number of people who have the same tortured notion about society will join the dead army,finally the whole society will be overwhelmed by the fear that murders are anywhere.
Yes,some laws like constitutions guard our people’s wealth and lives and ensure the well operation of society.But there are still some unnecessary rules hindering development of society.And the examples about that are not rare.In china,the typical examination-oriented education system,only emphasizing the score of examinations and neglecting to cultivate students to be all-round elites,made millions of Chinese students machines of examinations.As victims of such education system,most college graduates barely know anything but knowledge in textbooks.
However,we need think about this critically,because not every free will should be restrained,such as scientific pursuit and originality that is most likely to benefit our people.
To conclude,in my opinion,the well function of society is base on the robust laws and rules.But abolishing some old and useless may liberate productivities and enhance advancement of society.

Answer 1

Speaking for myself,I agree the argument partially.
这句有点中式英语
Yes,some laws like constitutions guard our people’s wealth and lives and ensure the well operation of society.语法错误
And the examples about that are not rare.In china,the typical examination-oriented education system,only emphasizing the score of examinations and neglecting to cultivate students to be all-round elites,made millions of Chinese students machines of examinations.这个例子离题了.
我估计你能得到6分,如果要进一步提高,需要加强你的语言表达问题,有些搭配很生硬,有些句式很罗嗦,不是很地道.词汇还可以,句型变化还需要进一步加强.