高手帮忙修改一篇英语作文Thesummer,oneyearafterstudiedinthehighschool,IcameacrossathingthatIneverforgotforever.Itwasahotday,butIhadtogoouttobuyaticketforthetravelbacktomyshool.There'snoharderthings

Question

高手帮忙修改一篇英语作文
The summer ,one year after studied in the high school,I came across a thing that I never forgot forever.
It was a hot day,but I had to go out to buy a ticket for the travel back to my shool.There's no harder things than waiting for your turn in a long long line even in a high-tempreture hot day.Finally,I got my ticket and took a bus to go home.I felt upset and hoped to enjoy cool as soon as possible,so that ,I got off hurry and rushed into my home.It was not untill at home that I noticed my identity card had lost.After a while,I recalled that it was left on the bus seat."Shit" I thought"whithout it I can't go anywhere.How bad!"When I damn myself ,my phone rang.A policeman asked："Are you ***?" "Did you lose something?"Then ,I was told a man picked up my identity card and sent to the police office.The policeman touched with me according to the information on the internet.Big suprise!I couldn't find some word to express my thankfulness except " thanks".If I could choose one day of that summer that impressed me the most,it was that day,due to the lesson I learnd:always keep your things and there are still many good men in our social.

Answer 1

I came across a thing that I never forgot forever.这一句怎么读怎么别扭,是必须要用这个句式么?可以采用更简洁的方式表达,效果会更好.
but I had to go out to buy a ticket for t 这里的BUY 用过去式.
hings than waiting for your turn in a long long line even in a high-tempreture hot day.把EVEN 去掉,even 加在这里,翻译过来就是 没有比排长队更难的事情了,就算是在这热死人的鬼天气里.
took a bus to go home 累述 不需要TO GO 直接took a bus home 就可以了
to enjoy cool 后加个AIR 会让意思表达更清楚
.A policeman asked 这里应该直接用MAN 既然是讲故事,那么你接电话的时候 不可能直接知道他是警察,应该是在电话中表明他是警察.
其他的都不错,就是你的表述方式,不需要故意最求复杂的句式,除非是作文有要求,因为这样容易造成误写,产生失分.
可能说的不对,