2011年6月CET-4作文帮我改一下!重赏!1、现在网上购物已成为一种时尚2、网上购物有很多好处,但也有不少问题3、我的建议这是我写的,我只是一个大一新生（才刚开学）,看了答案觉

Question

2011年6月CET-4作文帮我改一下!重赏!
1、 现在网上购物已成为一种时尚　　2、 网上购物有很多好处,但也有不少问题　　3、 我的建议
这是我写的,我只是一个大一新生（才刚开学）,看了答案觉得范文好恐怖!
Online shopping
Nowadays,online shopping is playing an important role in our daily life.Many young people would rather go online shopping than go to a real store.
Why do many the young love going online shopping Because there are some advantages.For example,we don't have to take much time on the way.In addition,we can do other things while going online shopping.
However,a proverb says,every coin has its two sides and online shopping is not exception.There are some problems.First,no one can guarantee that online is absolutely safe,On the contrary,we often see some cases that involved in online shopping in newspapers or magizines.Second,no one can guarantee that the quality of things bought in online shopping is satisfying.
As far as I'm concerned,we can sometimes go online shopping to buy books,clothes,tickets,cosmatics and so on.But we shouldn't rely on it.When we are free,we can go online shopping with our families.So we can get along with each other.
请高手看看我的文章有哪些错误,哪些可以改进的地方,我看了范文觉得好变态,绝对重赏（再追加）,信誉保证!

Answer 1

My View on (加上My View on更显针对性) Online Shopping
Nowadays,online shopping is playing an important role in our daily life.Many people ,especially the young (改为这样表达) buy things on the Internet(加上此句使其与上句呼应buy things on the Internet).They would rather go online shopping than go to a real store.
Why do many people （the young 改为many people）love going online shopping ?Because it has（there are 改为it has,由it代替online shopping）some advantages. For example,we don't have to spend （take用在此次不妥,改为spend） much time on the way.In addition,we can do other things while doing（going改为doing为佳） online shopping.
However,as（a前加as,“正如.”的意思）a proverb says,every coin has its two sides and online shopping is not exception.It has（There are改为It has） some problems .First,no one can guarantee that online is absolutely safe,On the contrary,we often see some cases related to（ that involved in改为related to）online shopping in newspapers and（or 改为and）magizines. Second,no one can guarantee that the quality of things bought in online shopping is satisfying.
As far as I'm concerned,we can sometimes go online shopping to buy books,clothes,tickets,cosmatics and so on.But we shouldn't rely on it.When we are free,we can should（改为should,表示提议） go online shopping with our families,which can help us family members live more happily.(So改为which 引导定语从句which can help us family members live more happily代替 we can get along with each other.)
修改并整理后的全文如下：
My View on Online Shopping
Nowadays,online shopping is playing an important role in our daily life.Many people ,especially the young buy things on the Internet.They would rather go online shopping than go to a real store.
Why do many people love going online shopping ?Because it has some advantages. For example,we don't have to spend much time on the way.In addition,we can do other things while doing online shopping.
However,as a proverb says,every coin has its two sides and online shopping is not exception.It has some problems .First,no one can guarantee that online is absolutely safe,On the contrary,we often see some cases related to online shopping in newspapers and magizines. Second,no one can guarantee that the quality of things bought on the Internet is satisfying.
As far as I'm concerned,we can sometimes go online shopping to buy books,clothes,tickets,cosmatics and so on.But we shouldn't rely on it.When we are free,we should do online shopping with our families,which can help us family members live more happily.