帮忙点评下我的作文,全国英语创新大赛的.知道自己作文不怎么样,100分无法表达我的心意……ValueofExamsinSchoolsDirection:Studentshaveexperiencedalotofexamsallthroughtheirschoolyears.Theymayhavealot

Question

帮忙点评下我的作文,全国英语创新大赛的.
知道自己作文不怎么样,
100分无法表达我的心意……
Value of Exams in Schools
Direction:Students have experienced a lot of exams all through their school years.They may have a lot to say about the present exam systems.You are allowed 60 minutes to write a composition on the topic:Value of Exams in Schools.You should write about 300 words,and base your composition on the following outline.
Role of exams
Your experience of failure at one exam
Suggestions to better exam systems
= =我知道我写超了,400多字儿..用了55分钟的样子?
以下是作文：
Something about exams
We students ,especially in many Oriental country ,face great pressure for exams .It seems that the only standard to measure our acdemic achievments is the result of exams.Not only do teachers appraise one’s ability by exams ,but also parents .As a concequence,many of us regard exams as the most important things in our present life.
Is exams necessary?The answer is yes .The current education situation – a great number of students and only a few famous universities—means we need a powerful exam system for fairness .If not ,it would be impossible for some students from a poor family ,particular for those come from rural places ,to change their lives by studying .On the other hand ,top universities might become privilege of the rich.Anyway ,unfairness will lead to catastrophe in society .we all know that in a normal society ,anyone,whoever they are and wherever they come from,should get equal opportunites for their development .
As the old saying implies ,every coin has two sides .There should be some drawbacks of our exam system .For one thing ,stutents usually have to bear a lot expectation .Once they fail ,the expectation would overwhelm them .I am a quite outstanding students sometime ,but I am also a mediocre one,because often my brain cannot work properly as I usually do during exams for no reason .I usually feel extreme depressed after those frequent failures .Teachers and parents’s faces filled with disapionting also hurt me always .We have to bear a lot in one exam ,which come from our teachers,parents ,friends and even ourselves.
Some aspecets should be improved in our present exam system .First of all ,the frequencies of university entrence examinations should increase to at least two times a year ,which can great decrease the pressure students bear before exams.For ,instance there are 6 SAT exams and 5 ACT exams every year in America ,as a result ,students in the U.S don’t worry about the possibility that failure in exams would change their whole life .Besides ,The content our exams conclude should also get some change .There shouldn’t be a gap between the humanities and the sicence .
Exams ,which we are familiar with ,is not always as hateful as we consider ,though there still are many unreasonable actuality in exams .It is the best way we can choose now ,isn it?

Answer 1

我竟然帮你订正了orz,不过作文
起码没离题吧?你确定是一样的作文?我不确定他们怎么评的,不过貌似有很多的用错词之类的,去看下我订正的那些吧（不确定是100％对）
题目的要求你都有了,应该不会是很低的分数,还有别担心,我不觉的超字会是个大问题＝ ＝,about 300应该是必需的量.我还从没看过写多的会扣分捏.
祝你good luck了：）
Something about exams
We,the students（有点类似,美国的那啥啥,we, the people,in order--请54这个) , especially in many oriental(不需大写） countries（复数） , face(建议用confront) great pressure from（是from) exams .It seems that the only standard to measure our acdemic achievments are(复数） the result of exams.Not only because of the (要加the)teachers appreciations afterward(apprecation在这里是指正确评价,个人觉的改了会更好）,but also the appraisals from the parents . As a consequence, many of us regard exams as the most important things in our present(during our school lives 会不会更好?) lives(复数）.
Are(复数） exams necessary? The answer is yes . The current education situation – a great(建议用tremendous) number of students and only a few famous universities are available for those who wants a better future(建议有这个)—which （要有连接）means we as student(重点） need a powerful and justifiable(合理） exam system to make sure every students have been treated the same way(改了下） .If not , it would be impossible for some students from a poor family ,particular for those who(连接）come from rural places , to change(个人觉的improve 会更好） their lives by studying hard(刻苦学习）.On the other hand ,top universities might become privilege of the richs(复数）. Anyway , unfair treatments (加上会更好）will lead to (用cause more catastrophes吧,这个社会本来就很悲剧,只会更多）catastrophes in this(用this)society . we all know that in a normal society ,anyone, whoever they are and wherever they come from, should get equal opportunites for better educations.(既然是关于学习的,我绝的有必要在关于学习的,所以education会更好）
As the old saying implies , “every coin has two sides”（加符号） . There should be some drawbacks of our exam system .Such as(比如的意思）, students usually have to bear a lot expectations from their families or teachers(具体点!） . Once they had fail them （假设的,所以是过去试had,还有要有them), the expectation would overwhelm them and with the need to self-degradation(self-degradation:自我贬低）.I am a quite outstanding students sometime , but I am also a mediocre one, because of(建议去掉of加上for most of the times吧,多数情况下）my brain cannot work properly as I usually do during exams for no reason . I usually feel extreme depressed after those frequent failures .What is more(连接用的,意思是而且此外）teachers and parents’s faces filled with disapionting also hurt me always(该下只句吧,用the disappointments,which were on my teachers and parents face had also hurt me) .We have to bear a lot in one exam , which come from our teachers, parents , friends and even ourselves.
Some aspects should be improved in our present exam system . First of all , the frequencies of university entrence examinations should increase to at least two times a year （the frequencies of university entrance examinations should be taking places at least two times a year怎么样?) , which can greatly(形容词）decrease the pressure students bear before exams day comes.(用eliminat some amount of the pressure that the students should bear before the exams day comes,in such way they can focus more怎么样?不止说了要减少压力,还说了好处） For instance, there are 6 SAT exams and 5 ACT exams every year in America , as a result（建议用as one of the consequence to that may be,假设结果的语气) , students in the U.S.A don’t need(加上need to吧）worry （加上much,不需要太丹心）about the possible mistakes(我猜你是要说possilbe mistakes：可能的败笔） in exams would change their whole life .Besides , The content of（加上of)our exams should also make some changes（不裂解conclude是指什么,用make 怎么样.在作文里还是少用 make,got之类的,只使用用口语） .That(加上that) there shouldn’t be a gap between the humanities and the sicence .
Exams , which we are familiar with , is not always as hateful as we considered(过去） , though there still are many unreasonable actualities(复数） in exams .It is the best way we can choose now ,isn it?

把分给我吧lz 我可是很用心^.^