请英语达人纠正错误纠正的好追加200分Workexperiences:FromJune,2004toDec.,2004:ShanghaiArtMuseum(Docent)Responsibilities:CoordinatingthedailymanagementinthethreeproductiondepartmentoftheMuseum,reachingthemonthlygoal

Question

请英语达人纠正错误 纠正的好追加200分
Work experiences:
From June,2004 to Dec.,2004:Shanghai Art Museum (Docent)
Responsibilities:Coordinating the daily management in the three production department of the Museum,reaching the monthly goals,helping communication among the departments.
From Nov.,2008 to May,2009 :Yili Group ( Position:KA Marketing Director)
Responsibilities:Helping the manager with the sales,getting more customers and leads,coordinating the communication between the dealers and the each department of head office.In that period,the Shanghai area achievement has the remarkable enhancement.The good communication skills obtained,and the business handling ability and personel management strengthened.

Answer 1

Work experiences:
From June,2004 to Dec.,2004:Shanghai Art Museu(Position:Docent)
Responsibilities:To coordinate the daily management of three production departments in the Museum,reach the monthly goals and help with the communication among the departments.
From Nov.,2008 to May,2009 :Yili Group ( Position:KA Marketing Director)
Responsibilities:To help the manager with the sales,get more customers and leads and coordinate the communication between the dealers and each department of the head office.During that period,the Shanghai area achievement has been remarkably enhanced.I have obtained good communication skills and business-handling ability and strengthened personel management .