80分跪求雅思作文批改请大家帮我看下Somepeoplethinkraisingthepriceoffuelisthebestwaytosolveenvironmentalproblems.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?请大家帮我看看这篇文章怎么样,有什么能改进的地

Question

80分跪求雅思作文批改 请大家帮我看下
Some people think raising the price of fuel is the best way to solve environmental problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
请大家帮我看看这篇文章怎么样,有什么能改进的地方.
In our quest for convenience,we give no thoughts to environmental friendliness,which,as Bertrand Russell said:there are two kinds of tragedy,one caused by nature and the other by ourselves.Therefore,it is humankind that should be blame for the dire consequence caused by severe environmental problem.Many people assert that the best way to solve environmental problem is to raising the price of fuel.Personally,I think their view is somewhat overly simplistic.
Admittedly,vehicles should be blame for the global warming.Not only the rivers,forests and air are being polluted by the fuel-burning machines on roads,but also the un-renewable energy sources are being depleted in terms of gasoline and diesel.And raising the price of fuel could possibly reduce people’s enthusiasm to possess private cars,which can generate less poisonous gas.
However,there are many other causes that should be blame for the environmental problem.For instance,regardless of the disposable needles and syringes used in hospitals to prevent contagion among patients,disposable items such as plastic bags and food boxes accounts for fifty percent of the man-made garbage,which greatly damage the soil quality since they are biodegradable.Besides,lured by the prospect of employment and a better life in metropolises,influx of immigrant workers from poorer regions come in millions,which results in the sacrifice of trees,fields because of the urban sprawl for accommodating an increasing number of people.
Therefore,environmental problem cannot be solved by merely raising the fuel price.Incentives should be given by the government,which may work collectively across departments and with other share holders on legislation,regulation and taxation levers,to increase individuals’ environmental awareness as well as to encourage citizens to do more to protect the environment.

Answer 1

7.5 分 挺好not only 后面怎么没用倒装呢,not only are the rivers. being polluted, but .其实语法不太重要 因为没人会专心揪你的语法错误,但句子必须看起来舒服.太多高级单词,人家可不喜欢你用太多的高级单词,因...