求高手帮忙修改托福作文Youngerschoolchildren(agesfivetoten)shouldberequiredtostudyartandmusicinadditiontomathlanguage,scienceandhistory.Dependingonpersonalexpeience,personalitytypeandemotionalconcern,wefindthat

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求高手帮忙修改托福作文
Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language,science and history.
Depending on personal expeience,personality type and emotional concern,we find that some people hold the idea that art and music are also need to be studied by younger school children besides math languge,science as well as history,whereas others have a negative attitude.As far as I am concerned,I disagree with the former statement.
First of all,it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that younger school children should learn more about how to have fun rather than bury themselves in the heavy load of study.In other word,durying their early stages of life,they need to have more fun by themselves and learn a lot from it.To make my demonstration more profoudly and comprehensively,I would like to cite what one of my favorate celebrites has mentioned,”All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”A good case in point is Jenney,a friend of mine,who know everything about the class but nothing about how to have fun.
Moreover,art and music contribute little to human’s success from the perspective of the long history of our humanity’s life.Consequently,allocate the time on art and music does not make sense for younger school children.Let’s take an extreme case for example,the emergence of internet takes everyone of us to the information era,but how about romantic art and jazz?It seems nothing they have bring to me but fun.
Admittedly,it may be true that study of art and music does help younger school children to establish a philosophy that centers on creating a sense which works in alliance with beauty rather than only subdue it to humanity’s will.But if this factor is contemplated,the advantages of learning art and music could be overlooked.
ALL in all,although some people may still remain unconvinced,the factors I have analyzed could at least make them more aware of the various dimensions of issue under discussion.There is little doubt that more and more people will come to realize that it does not necessary for younger school children add time for learning music and art to the time spend on math language,science and history.
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Answer 1

考试时能这么写绝对给5分!