哪位高手看看我的英语6级作文2009年12月真题1现在有不少家长送孩子参加各种艺术班2对这种做法有人表示支持,也有人并不赞成3我认为.ShouldParentsSendTheirKidstoArtClasses?Recently,while

Question

哪位高手看看我的英语6级作文
2009年12月真题
1 现在有不少家长送孩子参加各种艺术班
2 对这种做法有人表示支持,也有人并不赞成
3 我认为.
Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?
Recently, while an increasing members of parents send theri kids to all kind of art classes. Paying greatly attention to the art classes,the considerable parents believe that attend to the art classes could help their kids at they entrance the focus primary school with versatile skills. Therefore,art classes has fasinated among those parents.
This phenomenon,which has a hot sparked debates among citizens.A group of people believe that send kids into art classes is no better than any choice. It can improve the capability of children's skills,broaden their horizons and widen their eyes.It is important that the art classes cultivate children's recognize the world.While other citizens,holding the opposite viewpoint,believe that send kids to art classes may impact on their study, and they believe that children's promising in the future is the upmost.
As far as I am concerned,I support the former one.Sending kids to any art classes is better than the none.The saying goes:No pains,nogains.Obtaining more skills will promote your kids confidence,and it can help them with the right side for the future life.Why not send their kid to art classes?
高手看一下哪里写的不妥,包括句子和语法,用词的好坏等

Answer 1

第一句就错了while an increasing members of parents send theri kids to all kind of art classes.while是连词,这句没有主语了.while去掉