英语幽默笑话3~4偏要带翻译速度给我好不啊

Question

英语幽默笑话3~4偏
要带翻译速度给我好不啊

Answer 1

Talking clock
会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly,someone screamed from the other side of the wall,"Knock it off,you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意.“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他.“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答.“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问.“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋.突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”
Secret For a Long Life
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says."What's your secret for a long,happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day,drink a case of whiskey a week,eat fatty foods and never,ever exercise."
"Wow,that's amazing," says the woman."How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
长寿秘诀
一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头.
“我无意中发现,你是多么幸福,”那女士说.“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”
“我每天抽三包烟,每周喝一箱威士忌,吃高脂肪食品,而且从来不曾锻炼.”
“哦,真神奇,”女士说.“你高寿?”
On his deathbed poor Lubin lies； His spouse is in despair； With frequent sobs and mutual cries； They both express their care． “A different cause,”says Parson Sly,“The same effect may give：Poor Lubin fears that he may die ； His wife,that he may live”． 合理的哀伤 马修·普赖厄 可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里； 他的妻子陷入绝望； 频频啜泣,相对哭啼,他们都表达着忧伤.“不同原因,”滑头牧师说,“可产生同样结果：可怜的鲁宾怕他会死； 他老婆,怕他会活.” Dear white,something you got to know亲爱的白种人,有几件事你必须知道.When I was born,I was black.当我出生时,我是黑色的When I grow up,I am black.我长大了,我是黑色的When I'm under the sun,I'm black.我在阳光下,我是黑色的When I'm cold,I'm black.我寒冷时,我是黑色的When I'm afraid,I'm black.我害怕时,我是黑色的When I'm sick,I'm black.我生病了,我是黑色的When I die,I'm still black.当我死了,我仍是黑色的.you---white people,你---白种人When you were born,you were pink.当你出生时,你是粉红色的When you grow up,you become white.你长大了,变成白色的You're red under the sun.你在阳光下,你是红色的You're blue when you're cold.你寒冷时,你是青色的You are yellow when you're afraid.你害怕时,你是黄色的You're green when you're sick.你生病时,你是绿色的You're gray when you die.当你死时,你是灰色的And you,call me "color"?而你,却叫我「有色人种」?