帮忙改篇英语作文,关于网络和报纸的优缺点.明天中午之前要.Along with the improvement of science,the way from which people get information has also changed.Especially the Internet which has covered a much more important position

Question

帮忙改篇英语作文,关于网络和报纸的优缺点.明天中午之前要.
Along with the improvement of science,the way from which people get information has also changed.Especially the Internet which has covered a much more important position than the newspaper becomes popular.So what is it that brings about this kind of situation?
In the first instance,it is exactly that the information could be renewed in the Internet as soon as something happened,so that people could grasp the lasted news in time.However we could just find out some outdated ones in the newspaper.
Furthermore,the internet contains detailed information about different aspects,such as education,entertainment and so on.And we could get whatever we want to know immediately.So relatively the things in the newspaper are too scattered and it is hard for us to catch the ideal things.For example,once I was addicted to a follow up news and then I’d like to read the one in front,however it was too hard to find the newspaper and at last I got it in the Internet.
So I prefer to search the Internet in such a busy life.

Answer 1

Along with the improvement of science,the way from which people get information has also changed.Especially the Internet which has covered a much more important position than the newspaper becomes popular.So what is it that brings about this kind of situation?
第一句用advancement取代improvement较好
In the first instance,it is exactly that the information could be renewed in the Internet as soon as something happened,so that people could grasp the lasted news in time.However we could just find out some outdated ones in the newspaper.
可否将be renewed in改成be updated on...
lasted news...in time改成latest news ...in real time (实时地获得新闻)
Furthermore,the internet contains detailed information about different aspects,such as education,entertainment and so on.And we could get whatever we want to know immediately.So relatively the things in the newspaper are too scattered and it is hard for us to catch the ideal things.For example,once I was addicted to a follow up news and then I’d like to read the one in front,however it was too hard to find the newspaper and at last I got it in the Internet.
a follow up news:news不可数,可改为 a piece of follow-up news
then I’d like to read the one in front:改为then I wanted to read previous information or news related to this event
at last I got it in the Internet:改为 that's what turned me to the Internet
So I prefer to search the Internet in such a busy life.
总的来说写的不错,只是修改了几小处