请大家帮我看看这篇托福口语TASK1的稿子.欢迎猛烈批评.（请原谅我的小气,因为还有很多问题以后要问）Well,themostpreviousgift(主体)thatIhadeveracceptedismy16thbirthdaypartyheldbymyclassmates.Firs

Question

请大家帮我看看这篇托福口语TASK1的稿子.欢迎猛烈批评.（请原谅我的小气,因为还有很多问题以后要问）
Well,the most previous gift(主体) that I had ever accepted is my 16th birthday party held by my classmates.
Firstly the party was filled with happy that I had never felt before,because that was my first birthday party in my 16 years life.I ate the food with thanks; I sang songs to praise friendship.It is my valuable memory.
Secondly the party was also filled with the sadness of separation,because my birthday is on the next day that we graduated from the junior high school.At the end of the party,some of us began to cry,and so do I.We talked about our future hand in hand; we change our number to each other.The sadness and tear remind me of our valuable friendship.
So,there is no more precious gift can take palace of my 16th birthday party.

Answer 1

previous?楼主是不是打错了.precious.happy-happyness.in改为during?
I ate the food with thanks?with gratitude
because my birthday is on the next day that because my birthday is the day that we will ………… in tomorrow.
We talked about our future hand in hand?中式英语.We talked about our future In tears.(与前cry呼应）
we change our number to each other?phone numbers change-exchange
tear-tears
there is no more precious gift can take palace of my 16th birthday party.
there is no more gift can outweith my 16th birthday party.
以上只是改下可能的错误.最好楼主可以加一点具体的细节什么的.