逐句分析的追加5-10分,求帮修改作文,写错语法错误需要改正的地方,15分满分能打几分?近几年大学校园内经常举办一些选秀活动,这些活动代理的影响,你对此的看法inrecentyears,thetalent-searchsho

Question

逐句分析的追加5-10分,求帮修改作文,写错语法错误需要改正的地方,15分满分能打几分?
近几年大学校园内经常举办一些选秀活动,这些活动代理的影响,你对此的看法
in recent years,the talent-search show on campus,which has been brought into focus.many students eager to take part in the talent-seach shows on campus,like "Happy boy"、“Beautiful girl” and so on.
as everyone sees,talent-search shows make our college life colorful,it brings great influence on us.above all ,this kind of activities not only can increase our confidence ,but also provide a chance for us to show ourselves completely.what is more ,talent-seach shows bring some negetive effects on us at the same time.all talent-search shows are call for so much time that students have no time to concentrate on their studies.
from my opinion of view,every coin has two sides.,so do talent-search shows.as college students.we should attend various activities positively as we have time,but we can't spend too much time to do that.we should take our time to study or to attend acitvities properly.

Answer 1

闲来无聊最喜欢改作文神马的了……
in recent years, the talent-search show on campus（show在这里是动词还是名词?是动词的话单复数错误,是名词的话整句话缺谓语）, which has been brought into focus. （which用错,你在这里用它,指代的是campus,which不可以指代前面一整件事）many students eager to take part in the talent-seach shows on campus,like "Happy boy"、“Beautiful girl” and so on.（用like不好,举例请用such as）
as everyone sees, talent-search shows make our college life colorful, it（不是shows吗用复数they bring） brings great influence on us. above all ,this kind of activities not only can increase our confidence ,but also provide a chance for us to show ourselves completely.（not only...but also...后要求平行,所以not only后的can去掉） what is more , talent-seach shows bring some negetive effects on us at the same time. all talent-search shows are call for（are call for?） so much time that students have no time to concentrate on their studies.
from my opinion of view, every coin has two sides, so do talent-search shows. as college students. we should attend various activities positively as we have time, but we can't spend too much time to do that(that不可以单独使用,一定要修饰东西). we should take our time to study or to attend acitvities properly.（properly副词,修饰attend,不对,意思变成了合适地参加?你是想表达proper activities吧,名词要用形容词来修饰）
大致挑了几个明显的,不知道你是考什么?四六级?给多少分那是老师管的事……你重复的动词用的太多,句式简单,不要总是用make,take这样的词；另外为了使文章丰富生动,尽量去用形容词修饰每个名词和代词,副词去修饰其他成分,不要用错了.祝你好运.