请大家帮我改改英文介绍大家帮我看看呀这个是我的英文介绍也许不是很好帮我看下,可以修改的地方请告诉我It’smypleasuretointroducemyselftoyouhere.MynameisDiwenyi.MyEnglishnameisYami.Iho

Question

请大家帮我改改英文介绍
大家帮我看看呀 这个是我的英文介绍
也许不是很好
帮我看下,可以修改的地方请告诉我
It’s my pleasure to introduce myself to you here.
My name is Di wen yi.My English name is Yami.
I hope to come to apply for the reception of your company.
I'm very happy that I am qualified for this interview.
I am 23 ­years old, born in Shanghai.．I am a faithful girl .
I have had two years' working experience
I have learned a lot about business and mastered basic office skills.
In addition, I learned how to cooperate with my colleagues from my previous job.
With strong determination, I believe I can succeed in the future.
I have lots of interest, such as drawing .reading and so on.
I hope to be your student.
I hope I can enter your department.
Thank you for your time.
Wish to see you again

Answer 1

Hello!
My name is Di wen yi.My English name is Yami.I am 23 ­years old.I am here to apply for the reception of your company.
I have two years' working experience,and i learned a lot about business affairs and mastered basic office skills.
In addition,I learned how to cooperate with my colleagues from my previous job.
I have lots of interest,such as drawing .reading and so on.
With strong determination,I believe I can succeed in the future.
I hope I could be one of you.
thank you.
应该是应聘工作的自我介绍,所以我认为尽量口语化一点.长词和生僻词少用一些,既可以避免读音发错,又避免死记硬背临场紧张忘词.
另外就是干脆一些,其实对方都已经拿到你的简历,有些东西不必要说得那么详细.我觉得工作经验方面应该再加一些,就是曾经在哪个地方做过什么工作,如果有取得的成绩最好说一下.给人的感觉就是干净利落,这个工作可以做得了.
结尾不用那么烦琐,该说的说完了,一个THANK YOU就可以了.许多I HOPE会给人感觉你这个人比较罗嗦,而且也不自信.
一家之见,当然还可以改得更好.