该用来举例子的英语长句是否正确?「InordertojustifytheviewIhavementionedabove,Icancomeupwithnobetterillustrationthantheexamplebelow：peopleinmountingnumbersarewastingfood,onthecontrary,aseaofpeoplehaveb

Question

该用来举例子的英语长句是否正确?
「In order to justify the view I have mentioned above,I can come up with no better illustration than the example below：people in mounting numbers are wasting food,on the contrary,a sea of people have been died for hungry.」请问高手们,这个用来做举例子用的句子是否正确?其中on the contrary插入是否正确?如果有误敬请帮助修改.

Answer 1

大致上没有什麼问题,不过要注意：
1. have died of hunger (完成式have died, hunger名词)
不过我觉得你这句用are dying of hunger最好.
2. 如楼上说的 这里用while (或者whereas, 更强烈一点) 比on the contrary 或 in contrast 都要来得合适.(我没有把握一定只能这样) (用while 或whereas的话後面不用跟逗号)
因为你要表达的是一件事情的两面("转折"),不是两件完全独立的相反事件.
另外 一个小小的叮咛：
on the contrary, in contrast 还有however 都不能拿来连接两个完整的句子,所以你可以把前後两句分开 或者是用分号： (我们中文里面没有这个规则 也很少用分号)
People in mounting numbers are wasting food; on the contrary,a sea of people are dying of hunger.
写得很长,希望对你有帮助!加油!