紧急,劳驾英语高手帮我看一小段文章希望将语法错误或者用的不太合适的地方帮我指明一下,这个文档紧急,如果回答很合适会追加分.这是写给老师的一段话,语气要求尽量客气尊敬：(Statethe

Question

紧急,劳驾英语高手帮我看一小段文章
希望将语法错误或者用的不太合适的地方帮我指明一下,这个文档紧急,如果回答很合适会追加分.
这是写给老师的一段话,语气要求尽量客气尊敬：
(State the reason why you chose to apply to this university.)
Since I have studied polymer materials for more than three years,I have built up my interest in it,so I’d like to devote myself to this field.As we know,Japan take possession of the most advanced scientific technology in Asia or even in the world,so I’m eager to go to Japan to continue my study.
In addition,I love Japanese culture since my childhood,such as Japanese TV play,cartoon and traditional etiquette,which leads me to study Japanese by myself in my part-time and have reached the modern level.
Moreover,I have a relatively wealthy family so that can afford my tuition and daily spending.
Fortunately,I met Dr.Shui who taught me professional Japanese recently.He is an excellent professor who has finished his bachelor,master and doctor degree in your university.Thanks to him,I acknowledged more detail information about your university,and that strengthens my determination to go to your university especially with his encouragement and recommendation.
If I’m permitted luckily,I will study harder during my school life in Japan,obey the local law and live in harmony with my schoolmate.
I believe it will be unforgettable memories and make a importance change on me if I could be admitted to enter your university.
最后一段 an important change on me.打错了 ,希望大家帮我修改的更合适些而不是做翻译.modern level是想表达日语达到了日语能力考试的二级水平.也就是中级水平

Answer 1

修改后：
As I have studied polymer materials for more than three years, I became very interested in this field, and would love to devote myself to further my education in this field. Because Japan has the most technologically advanced country in Asia, perhaps in the world, I will honored to have the chance to continue my study in Japan.
Also, I have had a deep interest in Japanese culture since chilhood. I love the traditional etiquettes of Japan as well as its drama productions and animated films which deepened my interest in this culturally enriched country. In an effort to better understand Japanese culture, I undertook Japanese courses during my free time and can now speak Japanese moderately well.
During my research for universities that offer courses in this field, I came across Dr. Shui who has received his bachlor, master and doctor degree after attending your university. Thanks to him, not only did my Japanese improve, but I also attained much more detailed information regarding your university. As I learn more of the core study areas covered by the course and the way learning is approached in your university, I am confident that your unviersity is the best one for me.
If I am accepted into your university, I will be dedicated in my study, be cooperative in class and be a honest citizen who obeys the law at all times.
I believe thatn studying at your university will be an unforgettable and challenging experience which may well change me and my life. I will be honored to be accepted into your university.
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个人认为说明申请某所大学的理由的时候,最好还是夸夸那所大学,赞美之词只要是合理的越多越好.如果写得好象他们大学是你这辈子唯一想去的大学的话,成功率可能更高.
关于你可以付学费的那部分删掉了,毕竟这也不算理由.而且能付学费的人虽然不多,但是绝对不少,他们绝对不会因为你可以付学费而选择你.
希望对你有帮助~
天上~
注：如果需要翻译,可以百度HI我~