一片雅思文章希望高手帮我批改.1)Thesubjectsandlessoncontentsaredecidedbytheauthoritiessuchasthegovernment.Somepeoplearguethatteachersshouldmakethechoice.Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?Someparentsalwayste

Question

一片雅思文章希望高手帮我批改.
1) The subjects and lesson contents are decided by the authorities such as the government.Some people argue that teachers should make the choice.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some parents always tell their children who living a brand new era full of opportunities and competitions ,and great changes have taken place in people’s attitude towards knowledge or diploma .But the children said that they think in the school study the knowledge without what use .The practicability of textbook knowledge in decline ,the teachers have to pick or add some knowledge in class .As to whether it is selective teaching ,there is a long-running controversial debate .To this issue ,different people set forth with various attitudes .Personally ,I am inclined to be on the side of the view that selective teaching .There are numerous reasons why I agree this opinion ,I would like to explore a few of the most significant ones here .
The first and foremost thing i would like to mention is that along with the development of the society ,the theory has become not so important and the human should pay a large amount of attention to practice .Some parents and company think their children or employees must have a great diploma ,then large amounts of people order to have a decent diploma of learning but the textbooks’ knowledge can not tell them what use this at working .
In addition ,the different adolescent have inequable character and the teacher should give them appropriate education mode .everybody have different thought ,but the textbook is always a constant .We only through the teacher who can choose some the useful information in those books .
Likewise ,common sense tells us that the textbook can not teach our children how to behave ,especially some lesson are changed by the organization ,it should train talent who only work for them .
form the reasons presented above ,the great choice that through teacher screening some knowledge to teach students ,The practicability of textbook knowledge in decline ,the teachers have to pick or add some knowledge in class .

Answer 1

我只看了第一段就知道了你写作的问题
1、chinglish写作文先想成中文然后翻译
2、模板句明显而且太多
3、第一段啰嗦,其实从后面开始就可以了,前面的chinglish严重减分
4、每一个论据的支撑内容太少,不丰富
因为字数达标,但第一段有明显不扣题之处——selective teaching,或者说有跑题
所以正规打分应该就是4.5or5不会再高