雅思作文高手进急求指导不到十天考雅思了,大作文没底,希望雅思高手能指点其中错误并给出大概分数谢谢!（占用了您宝贵的几分钟,再次感谢!p.s.时间紧迫,个别打错字望见谅）还有一个问

Question

雅思作文高手进 急求指导
不到十天考雅思了,大作文没底,希望雅思高手能指点其中错误并给出大概分数谢谢!（占用了您宝贵的几分钟,再次感谢!p.s.时间紧迫,个别打错字望见谅）
还有一个问题,写完修改时可以用修改符号或想加句子时能做个标记把句子写在最后并补上吗?
题目：Some argue that companies and private individuals,not government,should pay the bill of pollution clean up.To what extent you agree or disagree?
正文：There is a general discussion these days over pollution clean-up in the present society.One of the questions under debate is whether the bill of pollution cleaning is paid by the companies and private individuals,not government.As far as I am concerned,I am not completely in favor of this opinion since I think pollution cleaning concern everyone.The reasons are not far to seek.
To begin with,it cannot be denied that government does not have the responsibility of producing pollution.To some extent,the increasing pollution which is not coped with in time largely due to their inefficient measures.There probably will be a totally different picture if they take effective measures.For the harmony of tomorrow's society,government is responsible to pay a part of bill and carry out new measures to the pollution cleaning as soon as they could,
In the other hand,human-being can never live without society,which means that there are a great many connections between individuals so that government produce a little pollution more or less.In this regard,they are more likely to undertake an appropriate part of the bill.It is critical to make a good example in the society as well,therefore,build up a fair status and win trust from the society which does good to their later actions.
To sum up,it is a undeniable fact that the majority of pollution are made by enterprises and private individuals.However,it is of great benefit for everyone to take the responsibility of this serious phenomenon.
还有一个问题,阅读多选题在三个中选对两个是得两分还是不得分?

Answer 1

看了你的作文,我有以下几点参考意见：
1、语法错误,如As far as I am concerned,I am not completely in favor of this opinion since I think pollution cleaning concern everyone.应该是concerns everyone
2、their无所指,在第二段中,提到due to their inefficient measures.此处的their指代不明,如果是政府,也应该是its measures,下文多次出现这个错误~
3、我觉得文章的思路不太好~作者想支持的观点是政府也应该为环境保护买单,建议作者先肯定companies需要为环保买单,再来论述政府.另外,作者在第二段的开头写道it cannot be denied that government does not have the responsibility of producing pollution.一般来说每段的开头应该是该段的主题思想,因此不建议这样写~建议写为although the government will not produce the environmental pollution,it can make a great difference when it takes some measures to protect our living environment.
以上是我简单的意见,希望可以对你有所帮助~
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