这是美国签证的个人陈述书.帮我纠正一下语法.尽量加上为什么PersonalstatementMynameisxxxxxandEnglishnameisxxx.IamfromBeijingxxxschool.Iamfifteenyearsold.Ihavealotofhobbyinmylife.Forexampletoplay

Question

这是美国签证的个人陈述书.帮我纠正一下语法.尽量加上为什么
Personal statement
My name is xxxxx and English name is xxx. I am from Beijing xxx school. I am fifteen years old. I have a lot of hobby in my life. For example to play badminton and swim sometimes I play badminton with my parents. And go to park or shopping with my classmate.
There are five people in my family my mother father and my grandparents. My parents have only one son that is mine.
I think I am a sun boy and I like to travel and outing.
I want to join this activity because I know the U.S. is developed country it have developed economic and developed education. I think important is education of the U.S. that is very good. And there are also have many beautiful somewhere.
I think I will learn a lot of things about education language and Social knowledge in the U.S.
急需

Answer 1

问题很多.
首先你要了解在英语中,句号就表示一个句子的终结,每一个完整的句子都要有主语谓语（宾语）,多数复杂的句子还有从句（这里先不提）.像你这句" For example to play badminton..."就是不连贯的句子.同样的道理,英语中的逗号也不可以分开两句独立的句子,这和中文是不同的.
其次,许多句子的表述不符合语法,也不符合英美人阅读规则,也许别人能看懂你想表达的意思,但是从你的行文就看出是个门外汉,印象上会大打折扣,句子可以不用很复杂,但是必须是准确合理的.
最后,作为personal statement,还是简单了一点,要出国的话这是一块敲门砖,Personal statement写得好不好直接影响你签证成功与否,所以还是建议找位英语老师或者留学中介里的工作人员帮忙好好修改下,内容也增加一点.