求高手帮我看下这篇求职英语自我介绍可以么?Hi,Iamgladtobeheretointroducemyself.Mynameis×××,andiam22yearsold.IgraduatedfromShanghaiBusinessSchool,softwaretechnicalcxpertise.I'mveryhonoredtoseeth51job

Question

求高手帮我看下这篇求职英语自我介绍可以么?
Hi,I am glad to be here to introduce myself.My name is ×××,and i am 22 years old.I graduated from Shanghai Business School,software technical cxpertise.
I'm very honored to see th 51 job your company's recruitmen of enlightenment .I am a man warm and generous,serious.For the administrative aspects of the work,I am very interested in .Although no countercpars inprofessional.But I thank interest is the bast teacher.
I usually of interest in the Internet,reading,traverl and so on .Who do not touch things,are also very strong thirst fo knowledge,If you give me a change,will love and is responsible for treatment of the job.
Thank you

Answer 1

开头不够正式...
优势说得不够...
语法错误帮你订正如下：
Good morning/afternoon,I am glad to be here to introduce myself.
My name is ×××,and i am 22 years old.I graduated from the software technical cxpertise in Shanghai Business School.
I'm very honored to apply for the 51th job in your company,the recruitmen of enlightenment .
I am a warm-hearted, generous and serious man.
I am very interested in the administrative aspect of the work.
Although I am not that professional,I still think interest is the best teacher.
I am of great interest in the Internet,reading,traveling and so on .
I have a very strong thirst for knowledge,and I would like to try it out.
If you give me a chance,I will love the job,and will be responsible for the job.
Thank you
语法错误挺多的...看看吧,希望有帮助
祝你成功