帮忙评论一下大学六级作文~1、新闻舆论使“富二代”一词进入人们的视线2、有人认为富二代是堕落的一代3、我的看法各位路过大侠,希望能帮在下一把,对下面这篇文章指点批评一下,感激不

Question

帮忙评论一下大学六级作文~
1、新闻舆论使“富二代”一词进入人们的视线
2、有人认为富二代是堕落的一代
3、我的看法
各位路过大侠,希望能帮在下一把,对下面这篇文章指点批评一下,感激不尽……
Is Rich Second Generation the Fallen Generation
Nowadays,whether rich second generation is the fallen generation has become a heat argument among public.As many negative news about these rich young people in the newspaper and television everyday,many people think they are the fallen generation,but others do not think so.
The favorers think that firstly these young people regard spending money lavishly as ordinary thing.Secondly,they always develop a sense of superority because their rich background and look down on other people.Thirdly,as they consider that their familyu can afford them a whole life,there is no need to be diligence and and perseverance.What they should do,on their minds,is to enjoy their life.At last,they will lag behind their peers,and have no competence and advantages.
Some are not agree the above ideas and I am one of these people.In my opinion,what news reported is just a minority of rich second generation.It’s unfair to judge these young people depending on so little negative news.Maybe tey are even exaggerated.What’s more,the properity is made by their parents,so these parents know how to educate their children to maintain and develop these properity.They must not allwo their children to squander.After all,rich second generation is not a distinguished generation.It’s unfair to put them into the category of the fallen generation.

Answer 1

作者水平挺不错的啊,小小的提下建议好了,做个参考,whether rich second generation is the fallen generation has been brought to the public attention.改后的这一句比较不常见的have been句式好一点吧,newspapers and televisions,复数吧,As many negative news about these rich young people in the newspaper and television这句是不是可以改成with的伴随结构好些那,如with more and more negative news about these rich young people appearing in the newspapers and televisions,The favorers think that firstly 这句有些别扭吧,去掉firstly吧,第二句就用普通的连接词也没什么,如in addition之类的,because their rich background ,后接名词应改为because of,a whole life,是不是应该把a改为 the,there is no need to be diligent and and persevering原句用名词不对应该改形容词,Some are not agree the above ideas ,用agree on 吧,我不太确定,要不直接用against得了,They must not allwo their children to squander禁止吗?would是不是好些 ,最后After all,rich second generation is not a distinguished generation这句什么意思怎么就突然冒出一句,毕竟,富二代不是杰出的一代了,你想表达的不是这个意思吧,你应该是想说in a word,rich second generation is not degenerate generation吧