雅思写作强人进帮忙看看大作文倒数3天考雅思题目是关于改变的agreement.是否应该改变剑桥6test4的大作文Eachindividualhasuniquepersonality.Someofthemaretendtochangethemselvesbutsomearenot.Generally

Question

雅思写作强人进 帮忙看看大作文 倒数3天考雅思
题目是关于改变的agreement.是否应该改变 剑桥6 test4 的大作文
Each individual has unique personality.Some of them are tend to change themselves but some are not.Generally,I think changes sometimes are necessary.
First of all,the trend of 21 century is become more and more international,so that is why globalization is a hot word of press nowaday.If you want to catch up with this fast pace society,the better way is make some changes of yourself,individuals have to adjust themselves instead of hoping the world to adapt them.Therefore,changing is essential for living in our society.
Secondly,there are many kinds of changing such as improve your skills and knowledge of your industry,it can makes your work to be more efficiency and valuable.Another example is technology had develop very fast in past few years such as Internet and micro-communication also e-business,so it is important to feed up us to adapt this fast developed society.In terms of human relationship,if you refuse to change yourself while other people are changing,you would have less and less common topic with them,therefore you could lose your communication with them.Personally,this is the biggest problem that we are facing with.
However,there are few advantages that stay the same.For example,some good traditional behaviors can still be practicing such as women made cloths by themselves or men fix their own cars and furniture.
In conclusion,we have to keep changing ourselves to adapt this international society.Meanwhile we can still practice some good traditional activities.
5段式 怎么这里有点在一起了啊`however那里开始又是一段了 主要看看语法上有没有什麽问题就好

Answer 1

第三行 is becone 我觉得有问题 保留is或者become,或者用becoming
fast pace society 明显的中式英语 可以用从句 修饰society更好吧我觉得
第五行,individual前面大写 不能用逗号因为这两句没有连词 不能构成compound sentence
It can make your work.make 不是makes 估计是笔误吧
there are many kinds of changing such as improve your skills and knowledge of your industry,it can makes your work to be more efficiency and valuable.还是两个完整的句子之前没有连词不能用逗号连接 去掉逗号 加个because
标点符号也是考察的一个项目,要注意啊,尤其是逗号 还有建议就是可以适当多一些complex sentences 个人意见,仅供参考啦~