帮我检查一下这个长句有无结构的错误,其他语法错误及词的用法也顺便指出.写作文想加入长短句的变化.刚开始练,可能错误还不少.分不多,您辛苦了TheresultofasurveyamongteenagersinShanghaiwhic

Question

帮我检查一下这个长句有无结构的错误,其他语法错误及词的用法也顺便指出.写作文想加入长短句的变化.
刚开始练,可能错误还不少.分不多,您辛苦了
The result of a survey among teenagers in Shanghai which designed by Shanghai phisical science research institution states that 66% teenagers below the average height and IQ level after eat a lot of junk food,approves that junk food can damage our health.
能优化的结构顺便也优化一下,我会加分的.

Answer 1

The result of a survey ON teenagers in Shanghai which WAS designed by Shanghai Phisical Science Research Institution SHOWS that 66% teenagers ARE below the average height and IQ level after eatING a lot of junk foodS,AND approves that junk foodS WILL DO HARM TO our health.
以上是在你的原句基础上改的,改动部分我用大写字母标示了.
这句话结构上存在着一点问题就是整句话头重脚轻.句子主干是“the result shows that...and approves that...”,由于前半句定语过长,所以后半句显得很单薄.建议将前半句的定语部分单独写一句话.
希望对你有所帮助