请帮忙改错，或提出更好的表达方法这是我的一篇英文介绍，需要用口语表达，但我英语不是很好，希望大家能帮忙改正其中的语法表达错误，不胜感激。内容不妥之处也可指出，对真诚帮

Question

请帮忙改错，或提出更好的表达方法
这是我的一篇英文介绍，需要用口语表达，但我英语不是很好，希望大家能帮忙改正其中的语法表达错误，不胜感激。内容不妥之处也可指出，对真诚帮助者我将加分奖励。
It is a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview,now i will introduce myself briefly.
My name is XXX,i am 23 years old,and born in hebei province.i am currently a senior student in this university.My major is software engineering.and i will reveive my bachelor degree after my graduate in june. in the past four years , i spend most of my time on study,i have got the scholarship four times,and i have acquired basic knowledge of software engineering both in thero and practice.besides,i like computer very much,especialy in progra design,and i want to make some achievement in this field.But when i finished my four years study,i realized that what i have learned was not enough for this target,i thought it would be great if i can continue my interest in that.That was why i choose to futher my study with a master degree.
if i luckly get the chance to continue my study in this university,i will concentrate on study and research in this field.First i will work hard to learn the theoritical knowledge,constructing a solid basic for my further work.Second i would like do some pratical work with the help of my surpervisor and classmates,through this i can get something that can't be acquired form the textbook.I believe after 2 years learning, my dream will finally come true.
In my spare time,i like soccor,pingpang and pop music.i also like english very much.But i do think it's still a long way to study it,So i wouldn't give up my english studying,and improve my oral and listening ability.That's all.Thank you.
时间截止到今晚十点半

Answer 1

1.我也是Senior student,对于研究生复试的事情有一些了解.
我们学校的复试:自我介绍是有时间限制的:一分钟,然后是专业知识的英文对答.
如果你们学校的自我介绍也有时间限制的话.那么很明显你的这段介绍太长了.
2.恕我直言,你的这段自我介绍"中国话"比较严重,句子的结构也比较单一,开头往往都是用"I"开头的.
下面是我的个人建议:
[1].It is a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview,now i will introduce myself briefly.
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Good morning/afternoon.it's really a great honor to have this opportunity to inroduce myself.
[2]My name is XXX,i am 23 years old,and born in hebei province.i am currently a senior student in this university.My major is software engineering.and i will reveive my bachelor degree after my graduate in june.
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介绍了你是大四的学生,就没有必要在说你今年六月份毕业了,个人建议把你所在的城市也说出来.
My name is XXX,23 years old and I was born in the city of XX in hebei provincn.I am now a senior student in xx University.My major is software engineering.
[3]in the past four years , i spend most of my time on study,i have got the scholarship four times,and i have acquired basic knowledge of software engineering both in thero and practice.besides,i like computer very much,especialy in progra design,and i want to make some achievement in this field.
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时态和表达有不足之处 spent,theory. [i like computer very much,这句表达有歧义] especially Graphic Design[平面设计],这里把平面设计放到后面去说.
In the past four years,I spent most of my time in studying and because of my hard work,I got scholarship four times. I have acquired basic knowledge of software engineering both in theory and practice.
[4]But when i finished my four years study,i realized that what i have learned was not enough for this target,i thought it would be great if i can continue my interest in that.That was why i choose to futher my study with a master degree.
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I want to make some achievement in this field,however ,I afraid what I have learnt during the past four years is not adequate.Consequently, it’s indispensable for me to go on further study.
[5]if i luckly get the chance to continue my study in this university,i will concentrate on study and research in this field.First i will work hard to learn the theoritical knowledge,constructing a solid basic for my further work.Second i would like do some pratical work with the help of my surpervisor and classmates,through this i can get something that can't be acquired form the textbook.I believe after 2 years learning, my dream will finally come true.
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个人觉得中间那段可以省略掉.
If I have the honor to continue my study in xx university,I would concentrate on my study and reseach.I believe that after two years of hard work ,my dream will finally com true.
[6]In my spare time,i like soccor,pingpang and pop music.i also like english very much.But i do think it's still a long way to study it,So i wouldn't give up my english studying,and improve my oral and listening ability.That's all.Thank you.
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In my spare time, I like graphic design very much and I am fond of soccor,pingpang and pop music.Learning English is my another hobby,too.
Although there is still a long way to go,I would never give up my English study.Instead,I will improve my listening and spoken English with double effort.
Thank you .
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呵呵 弄了一个上午,总算打完了.个人建议把你的业余爱好,放到前面去说.我深知考研的艰辛,希望我的这点努力对你能够有点帮助.
GOOD LUCK