英文大手速来，英式幽默要写一篇关于英式幽默的英语文章，1000-1500单词，速度帮忙，积分多多。

Question

英文大手速来，英式幽默
要写一篇关于英式幽默的英语文章，1000-1500单词，速度帮忙，积分多多。

Answer 1

God Is My Grandfather:
One day I was reading the Christian Bible when I came upon this passage in, Genesis 5:1, "...God created man in the likeness of God..." The idea flashed through my mind that, if the Bible is right, then God must look like you and me. I didn't give this idea any more thought until in verses two and four of the next chapter, I read, "...the sons of God saw the daughters of men as fair, so they took them as wives..." and "...the sons of God came in onto the daughters of men and they bore children..."
At this point, I started wondering what happened to the son's of the gods? And what happened to all the children they fathered? The children must obviously be dead and gone, but what about the sons of the gods.
Unlike Adam and Eve, they must know where the tree of eternal life is, so like their fathers they must live forever. So where are these eternal son's of the gods who were having sex with all those all those beautiful Earth women?
Now let's face it guys, even you and I know a good thing when we see one. So imagine for a moment that you are an eternal son of God, and you find a ready-made, willing harem on Earth available to you at any time you choose. What would you do? You'd taste the pudding, of course, and then later, you'd come back for more. There are no long-term commitments. No financial costs. No paternity suits. No alimony. And no screaming kids. Just... good... SEX! I can't speak for the women, but, guys, how many of you would pass up an opportunity like that?
So what does that mean? It means that, if the sons of God came then, they're coming now. And ladies, can we get real for a moment? How many of you would turn down an opportunity to make love to one of the sons of the real, honest to goodness God? And how many of you would go home and tell your mate, your family, and your friends about your escapade? Not many! I'm certain of that.
About three days after my Bible reading session, I was telling my older brother about what I'd read. He's twelve years older than me and is usually rather calm, but upon hearing my words, he became anything but calm. He immediately took out the Bible and confirmed what I'd told him. He then slowly closed the book, set it aside, and sat there staring at me with this strange look on his face.
"What's up?" I demanded of him.
After a long silence, he blurted out, "God's your grandfather!"
I laughed at him and said, "What? You're crazy!"
"No, I'm not," he said. "Let me explain. You're not supposed to be told what I'm about to tell you until you're sixteen, but you're fifteen now, so I guess one year more or less won't matter much."
Instantly, my body tensed. I sat up and leaned toward him in anticipation, but what he said, I was definitely not prepared for.
He continued, "About six months before you were born, mom and dad had a heavy-duty fight. He found out that while mom was away visiting a friend in Canada, she had had a two-week-long, torrid love affair with a mysterious stranger, and she came home, pregnant."
"Then that means... it means..." I tried to speak, but no more words came out of my mouth.
"It means." my brother continued, "that dad's not your real, biological father."
Upon hearing this bombshell news, my mouth dropped open, I flopped back on the couch, and just sat there, dumbfounded. Finally, I asked, "Then... then who is my father?"
"According to mom, he was a mysterious stranger that she met while walking in the woods. He told her that he was not from Earth, but from a distant galaxy. Dad was really pissed, when he heard that story. He never believed her, and she never changed her story."
"What happened to the stranger?" I asked.
"Mom says she never saw him before their affair, and has never seen him since."
I looked at my brother and excitedly said, "Then my real father must have been one of those sons of God that the Bible talks about!"
I sat silently for a moment, while the real meaning of this disclosure spun through my mind. Then with almost no conscious thought at all, the following words came pouring out: "Holy sh--! God really is my Grandfather!"