我想知道自己目前托福写作的大概水平,想请教下各位看能不能帮我指点一下我的作文,看看能得多少分大概题目：Ithasbeensaid,“Noteverythingthatislearnediscontainedinbooks.”Compareandcontrastkn

Question

我想知道自己目前托福写作的大概水平,想请教下各位看能不能帮我指点一下我的作文,看看能得多少分大概
题目：It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
It is ridiculous to say that everything is learned is contained in books, the experience is not important.
Admittedly, we can learn many things from books and we read books when we are kids even we grow up. Books are always knowledgeable and vivid, for, there are a mass of universal truth, pictures and theoretical knowledge in books. Anyway, I do really love reading books and I enjoy the happy that books brought to me. But I still believe that knowledge gained from experiences is more important than gained from books.
First of all, books can not show anything to us and what should do or what should not do but our experiences do. We will have no idea by reading books when we have a tough problem. However, if we experience something and we make a mistake, it is good for our future because we know it makes a big fault to do it in this way, so, we will never make the miss like what we have made in the last time.
At the second place, experiences show us how to do it. There is an example happened in my life. Once, I go for dinner in my friend who named Sue, I arrived her home and went into her house and got a found her kitchen was in chaos. I was ignorant of what happened, so I asked Sue who was making a phone to the restaurant. She showed me a cook book and explained that she wanted to make a cake by following this book and she did but made a fail yet by she had been never made a cake before. I help her to clean the kitchen and then, I taught her how to make a cake by my experience before. So, we see, experiences are more important then knowledge from books.
It is true knowledge from books is also important for us and they taught us a lot of things. We can not ignore the gain from books. We get knowledge from books in a general way but in a more direct and realistic way from our experiences.
To sum up, it is more important to gain knowledge from experiences but books. I totally agree with a proverb which said “Not everything that is learned is contained in books” and know how significant experiences are.

Answer 1

It is ridiculous to say that everything is learned is contained in books,the experience is not
important.(这里everything后面的that不能省略)
Admittedly,we can learn many things from books and we read books when we are kids even we grow up.Books are always knowledgeable and vivid,for,there are a mass of universal truth,pictures and theoretical knowledge in books.Anyway,I do really(do和really有重复的嫌疑,因为do的在这里本身表强调,意为真的...）I love reading books and I enjoy the happy（happiness) that books brought to me.But I still believe that knowledge gained from experiences is more important than gained from books.(只能说than gaining from books或than which is gained from books)
First of all,books can not show anything to us and (tell us) what (we)should do or what should not do but our experiences do.We will have no idea by reading books when we have (meet)a tough problem.However,if we experience something and we make a mistake,it is good for our future because we know it makes a big fault to do it in this way,so,we will never make the miss like (mistake)what we have made in the last time.
At the second place,experiences show us how to do it.There is an example happened in my life.Once,I go for dinner in(with) my friend who(who需省略或用who is代替）named Sue,I arrived (arrive为不及物动词,在这里需加介词at)her home and went into her house and got a found her kitchen was in chaos.(went into her house,and found that her kitchen was in chaos).I was ignorant of what happened,so I asked Sue who was making a phone to the restaurant.She showed me a cook book and explained that she wanted to make a cake by following this book and she did but made a fail yet by she had been never made(she had never made) a cake before.I help (helped)her to clean the kitchen and then,I taught her how to make a cake by my experience before.So,we see,experiences are more important then knowledge from books.
It is true knowledge from books is also important for us and they taught us a lot of things.We can not ignore the gain from books.We get knowledge from books in a general way but in a more direct and realistic way from our experiences.
To sum up,it is more important to gain knowledge from experiences but books.I totally agree with a proverb,which said “Not everything that is learned is contained in books” and know how significant experiences are.
我针对你文章里面的语法改了些,你先看下.
额,时间有限,下班了晚点再帮你改哈.