帮忙修改一下以下英文求职信,Dear Madame or Sir,Thanks for giving me a chance to show myself!I was graduated from XX University and major in Foreign Language and Literature．My dream was to become a teacher when I was young,so I have been

Question

帮忙修改一下以下英文求职信,
Dear Madame or Sir,
Thanks for giving me a chance to show myself!
I was graduated from XX University and major in Foreign Language and Literature．My dream was to become a teacher when I was young,so I have been marching forward along this road steadily and unswervingly.I believe that I will do better at this job though my hard work.
During my four-year study at the university,I have not only laid a solid foundation of the require knowledge in my major,but also taught myself much of relative knowledge,such as psychology 、education pedagogy and so on .In the meantime,I have good achievements of language study and especially with the Extensive Listening,Extensive Oral English．l am confident that the courses studied at the university,such as the Integrated English 、Advanced Writing、Advanced English,etc．contribute effectively to my future work in the field of education .
Meanwhile,I seize every chance to improve my abilities of teaching,and putting the knowledge into application．I have participated in lots of practice in my spare time and vocation.And also I have got good reputations from all the teachers on the course of my teaching practice!
After graduation,I easily passed the test and become a teacher in XX middle school．During this time,I attached great importance to the Teaching Skill Training and had continued to improving my teaching method and teaching qualities.My lively and vividly teaching excited students' learning interests,initiatives,and enthusiasm ,enhanced their oral expressing ability.As a result ,I got to know well the common problems of these students and how to adapt teaching to achieve the best results.
My work experience have thoroughly prepared me to becoming a good English teacher,and I would greatly appreciate it if you could give me the chance to serve my hometown .of course I’ll work hard and well if I can hold the position.Look forward to hearing good news from you!
Sincerely,
XX

Answer 1

我给你一点提示吧,你这封求职信要大改.
首先,"thanks for giving me a chance to show myself"这是非常没有必要的话.
其次,作为HR,不会花很多时间看每一个词,所以必须简练.英文求职信（cover letter）结构必须简明：一、从哪里得知招聘信息,本人对职位有兴趣.二、简单介绍教育背景,可以写一些大学阶段获奖经历.三、工作经历,不要面面俱到,不要太宽泛,老外喜欢具体的东西,具体的才表示你是真实的.四、写本人经验、能力、兴趣与该职位契合之处.五、感谢阅读.
你的语法错误不少,分数太少,不细改了,也不要你分数了.
不是不愿意帮你改,是现在工作时间,太忙了.周末有空帮你.