雅思小作文求批改!（剑7Test2）第一次写.这个值6分么.ThisgraphdemonstrateshowtheamountoffishandsomeotherkindsofmeatconsumedbyEuropeancitizenschangedfrom1979to2004.Asisshowninthecurve,theconsumptionoffis

Question

雅思小作文求批改!（剑7 Test2）
第一次写.这个值6分么.
This graph demonstrates how the amount of fish and some other kinds of meat consumed by European citizens changed from 1979 to 2004.
As is shown in the curve,the consumption of fish remained steady during this period(50 grams per person per week).Lamb,which was consumed 150 grams in 1979,were eaten less than before.Its consumption was almost declining all the time,and therefore,a person only bought 50 grams per week in 2004.In addition,it's clear that beef was the most popular choice for Europeans in 1979(220 grams).However,the consumption of beef has been on the decrease since then.In 2004,this figure respectively dropped to 100.On the other hand,chicken were eaten more by Europeans during this time.The consumption increased from 150 to 250 grams per person per day.
Obviously,chicken has become the most popular meat,overtaking beef.

Answer 1

总体评分：6分
优点：能够把图表描述的非常清楚,句型和语法没有明显的错误,
缺点：描述的太过详细,有点像记流水账,文章最后自己的观点太少,只有那么一句话,可以再适当的发挥一些,还有可提升的空间!