请大家帮我看一下这篇雅思作文能得几分还有什么问题multi-culturedsocietiesaremixtureofmanyethnicgroups.somepeoplethinktheadvantagesofmulti-culturedsocietiesoutweighthedisadvantages.Doyouagreeordisagree?Mu

Question

请大家帮我看一下这篇雅思作文能得几分 还有什么问题
multi -cultured societies are mixture of many ethnic groups. some people think the advantages of multi-cultured societies outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree?
Multicultural, which bring some changes in society or personal, we cannot prevent the trend out of our lives in this rapidly developing country. The problem is, is the cultural diversity worth accepted?
In many beneficial ways, the multicultural play an essential role the development of the country. From the skill perspective, it is established that a vast amount of information in technology will be provided by the new emigrants in multicultural. Since these information what revolute skill, could promote an increasing of economy. Aside from the advanced skill, the multicultural is a significant source of entertainment. The resources, such as traditional games or local the programs of culture, could enrich people’s lives. Besides, travelling is as a form of cultural communication spreading the friendly relationship. Thus the incomes of domestic tourism industry could be rose by communicating cultural diversity.
Clearly, however, the cultural diversity by some ethic groups presents a number of objectionable features. Most obviously, they threaten the original culture, distract their attention and spoil our traditional habits or festival. It is creating a new culture where old traditions are no longer of much importance. Even worse, one part of culture messages related to violence and sexuality can negative impact children. It can affect the way they interact the socially with peers, as well as foster anxiety and fear in other situations.

Answer 1

6.5分吧,不考虑大小写啊.这个分数我参照了句酷批改网给出的分数,这个系统显示,你又拼写错误和许多的“中式英语”就是表达不地道的地方啊