求雅思作文批改Inthisdayandage,itisextensivelyacknowledgedthatimprovinglivingstandardplaysanincreasinglykeyroleinoursocietydevelopment.Bythemeantime,whetherdamagetoenvironmentisaninevitableresultofimprovingliving

Question

求雅思作文批改
In this day and age,it is extensively acknowledged that improving living standard plays an increasingly key role in our society development.By the meantime,whether damage to environment is an inevitable result of improving living standard has sparked spirited debate.Some individuals assert it is an undoubted consequence.From my own perspective,I think this view is overly simplistic.
Convincing arguments can be made that we can improve our living standard through numerous eco-friendly ways,which will not destroy the environment.To start with,as the technology develops,the standard of living has been rapid improved.An increasing number of people would like to live closely to the nature so that they can have fresh air and relax themselves from all day work.Therefore,more trees have been planted,not only in the rural area,but also in the city,which will appeal to people’s need and even protect the environment.Besides,with the advanced technology,human beings have been exploiting new natural resources,which may be environmentally-friendly.More specifically,instead of using woods or coal to live in a high standard life,solar energy and wind power can be used in our daily life in order to make our lives better.Last but not least,as the standard of living improves,the awareness of protecting the environment has been on individuals’ minds.By that I mean,people use more eco-friendly tableware when they in a restaurant than what they did in the past and everyone is trying to recycle any useful resources for our generations and sustainable development.
Admittedly,damage to environment can,to some extent,be a consequence of improving living standard.This is due to the fact that a host of manufacturers who pay much attention to pursuing high profits instead of protecting environment always use less environmentally-friendly products and sell them to people.Evidently,according to their misleading,it may be the worst consequence to our environment.Even so,it is worth nothing that protecting environment plays a significant role in high standard lives.In other word,government should take measures to punish those who use improving living standard as an excuse to destroy environment and exploit more renewable resources.For instances,since sustainable development has been a major topic around the world,Chinese government pay much attention to protecting the environment and lay down some detailed laws about environment.
Based on all the arguments offered above,I would concede that damage to environment maybe a consequence to improve living standard,but not inevitable.Despite that,more eco-friendly action can be taken to improve living standard instead of destroy environment.on balance,I am convinced that every citizens with the government,should make contributions to the environment to avoid damaging it for improving the standard of living.
Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer 1

太长了看晕了,雅思作文要求是250字呢这最少有400多,太长照样扣分,看不下去.第一人称要的太多,连接介词用错好几个,同样单词用的太频繁,中式英语很严重