我想写封电子邮件给外国朋友,不知道哪里需要修改,希望各位英语达人提出宝贵的意见~James,HI!YournameandE-mailareinPenfriendsite.Idon'tknowwhoyouare,butIwouldliketobeyourpenfriend.IamaChinesegirl,m

Question

我想写封电子邮件给外国朋友,不知道哪里需要修改,希望各位英语达人提出宝贵的意见~
James,
HI!Your name and E-mail are in Penfriend site.I don't know who you are,but I would like to be your penfriend.I am a Chinese girl,my name is Tan Jiaqi,my English name is Alice.I am thirteen years old.How old are you?I have long black hair and yellow skin,what about you?I like painting very much!
I live with my parents in Guangzhou,China.I can write English,but I can't speak it very well,so,I hope I can increase my English during the communication with you.
Best wishes
Alice

Answer 1

看了一下,都挺好的.
就有一句应该是I can write in English.
还有西方介绍名字是名在前,姓在后 Jiaqi Tan
虽然能看出来你每一句都先有中文再直译成英语的,但是你只有十三岁,已经非常棒了!