申请加拿大本科留学,自己写了一封email,准备申请SFU的本科,雅思正在学,想申请一个conditionaloffer,自己对英文没太大把握,让大家帮忙审查一下看看有没有语法错误或者不妥之处,可以的话我就

Question

申请加拿大本科留学,自己写了一封email,
准备申请SFU的本科,雅思正在学,想申请一个conditional offer,自己对英文没太大把握,让大家帮忙审查一下看看有没有语法错误或者不妥之处,可以的话我就去发email了
Dear
I come from Beijing of china.I Graduated from high school and has been admitted to Capital University of Economics and Business in 2010.I am writing to enquire the necessary application process of entry SFU and as well as the requirement.I wish to be considered for entry to your university in September 2011.
As I have progressed in my undergraduate course,I feel that a career in the SFU would suit my particular skills.
I have no IELTS scores at present but I am studying hard it to ensure that I have all the necessary skills and qualifications for the SFU course.
I will be very proud if I have the chance to enjoy the excellent educational facilities in your country.
I am looking forward to seeing your reply.
Yours sincerely,
xxx
抬头我不知道应该怎么称呼,因为我不知道收件人是谁,应该怎么写?Dear什么?

Answer 1

errr,我不想说的那么强硬,但是你知道application要填好才行吧.
如果我是adminssion的人,我对你的回复是：
去xxx这个网站,按要求填.
帮你改一下,但我觉得没用,不如写个平常说话语气的email.
dear sir/madam 如果你不知道,就写这样,或者写to whom it may concern
I am attending Capital University of Economics and Business in 2010 (major in?). I am writing to enquire the necessary application process and as well as the requirements of entering SFU in September 2011.
后面你说你没有雅思成绩,然后说会好好学.这么说,要不你说你在上雅思课,或者已经报名,或者什么时候考试,大学录取时间是9月,报名是1月,3月所有的雅思,托福成绩就要报上去.实话实说你要9月进去最好赶快去考.倒数第二句不是in your country, 是in your university. i'm looking forward of your replies. 不是looking forward to see.
还有,你最好去SFU的adminsion看看入学要求,OCAD也有,你这么问,人家理都不理你,因为这封信应该是去年12月送出,现在还有一个月他们就要英语成绩.
还有,你要说你是什么major,你不说的话你要人家给你发所有的major的要求?
如果我是你我会这么写：
dear sir/ madam
i'm writting this letter to enqiure about the application and requirement for _____ major. as you know, i'm a currently studying in china, major at _____ in Capital University of Economics and Business.
i want to further enrich my learning by applying SFU, because SFU blah blah,说点好话.
as i know the application deadline is over, but i'm wondering if i can still get a conditional offer by submitting my application for you to take a look? i already booked my IELTS test, which will be held on _____日期,
这些,说些你要上的major
去SFU的网站找找,全在那里.
唉,觉你的挺悬的,祝好