请问我的这一段英文语法上有没有什么错误?Mr.law,Manythanksforyourreplyandappreciation.Ihavereceivedyoure-mailfor3days,ItriedtocallyourHongKongcellphonetwicebutcouldnotcontactwithyou.Iwanttoknowwhenwil

Question

请问我的这一段英文语法上有没有什么错误?
Mr.law,
Many thanks for your reply and appreciation.I have received your e-mail for 3 days,I tried to call your Hong Kong cell phone twice but could not contact with you.I want to know when will be the suitable time I arrive to shenzhen to join your team.And I don’t have any special demands on my salary package,I think that is not a big problem.May you tell me how i can contact with you for more discussion?
Best regards,
respectfully yours,
Hill
以上的邮件是我回复给我一个应聘公司的老板,一直都没他的回复,我估计是不是语法出了问题让他失望了.所以想请问大家帮我分析一下看看我的语法是不是有什么地方不对的,如果有,麻烦高手给我详细指出来并做改正.

Answer 1

怎么说呢?其实你的语法倒没有多大的问题,小问题倒是有,只是我觉得最大的问题是你犯了找工作之大忌.让我来具体的分析一下.1.首先,抬头.Mr.Law.你做为一个陌生人,怎么敢赶直接直呼其姓呢?他和你很熟吗?为什么不加Dear ...