快要考试了,求老师能帮我修改下雅思大作文啊,我上次6.5,7766,写作是6分,希望这次能提到7分一：Somepeoplethinkthatpollutionanddamageofenvironmentareresultingfromacountry'sdevelopingandbecomingricher,and

Question

快要考试了,求老师能帮我修改下雅思大作文啊,我上次6.5,7766,写作是6分,希望这次能提到7分
一：Some people think that pollution and damage of environment are resulting from a country's developing and becoming richer,and this is hard to be avoided.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that environment challenges,ranging from the smog in cities,especially emission-induced air pollution,to electric pollution,are presented to us.Some people link it to the development of a country,and think that this trend is inevitable.In general,I agree with the opinion expressed.
It is undeniable that,unfortunately,it is always the case that countries tend to pay less attention to the environment perservation with the aim of making money through surging their economy.This means that some rich industrilized countries may be unlikely to solve these environmental challenges because reducing these problems may slow down their industrial production and lower their people's comfort and convenience,even when they possess advanced technology and financial resources.
However,reaching the conclusion that this trend is inevitable is not the same as assuming that "these issues can not be solved." If a nation could make use of its sophisticated technology properly and effectively,then there would be various measures that could be implemented which would have a huge effect on these problems.I personally think that to tackle the problem of air pollution,the technology is already avaliable to produce electric cars that would be both quiter and cleaner to use.As for the electric pollution,are all the neon lights really necessary?They should be turned off when not in use.
In conclusion,I would say that the long-term solution would depend on governments rasing the awareness of the general public that all environmental problems fundamentally arise from the abusive behavior of all individuals,and on a collective consciousness that each individual must be aware of the impact he or she has on the environment.
对于这篇作文,我觉得自己在审题方面有些不清楚,不知道该不该写“怎样解决环境问题”这个部分；还有逻辑问题.

Answer 1

一：Some people think that pollution and harming to the envronment are a result of a country's development and becoming richer, and this is unavoidable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that environment challenges, ranging from the smog in cities, especially emission-induced air pollution, to electric pollution, are presented to us. Some people link it to the development of a country, and think that this trend is inevitable. In general, I agree with their opinion.
It is undeniable that, unfortunately, it is always the case that countries tend to pay less attention to the environmental preservation with the aim of making money through surging their economy. This means that some rich industrilized countries may be unlikely to solve these environmental challenges because reducing of these problems may slow down their industrial production and curtail their people's comfort and convenience, even when they possess advanced technology and financial resources.
However, reaching the conclusion that this trend is inevitable is not the same as assuming that "these issues cannot or can never be solved." If a nation could make use of its sophisticated technology properly and effectively, then there would be various measures that could be implemented which would have a huge impact on these problems. I personally think that to tackle the problem of air pollution, the technology is already avaliable to produce electric cars that would be both quiter and cleaner to use. As for the electric pollution, are all the neon lights really necessary? They should be turned off when not in use.
In conclusion, I would say that the long-term solution would depend on government's effort of rasing the awareness of the general public that all environmental problems fundamentally arise from the abusive behavior of all individuals, and on a collective consciousness that each individual must be aware of the impact he or she has on the environment.

写得相当流畅, 加油
, 你会更好的