谁能帮我改改四级作文模板啊（急用）Withthedevelopmentofhumancivilizaitionaswellasthesignificantimprovementofscienceoftechnologyandduetotherapidchangesinoursociety,moreandmorepeopleareconcerningaboutwheth

Question

谁能帮我改改四级作文模板啊（急用）
With the development of human civilizaition as well as the significant improvement of science of technology and due to the rapid changes in our society,more and more people are concerning about whether____.As a result,the topic of ___ is increasingly becoming the most controversy recently,which raises many issues in the society.
That reminds me of an old Chinese saying which goes”each coin has two sides”.Different people hold diffent kinds of opinions toward it .As a result ,the attitudes toward this issue vary from person to person.
Some are inclined to the opinions that______,they hold the views for the following factors:in the first place,they point out the fact that___.A case in point is that ____,what is more ,it is not easy to see that ____.
Whereas other people on the other hand prefer to the point that ____,as they believe____,as an illustration,_____.
As far as I am concerned ,I am fully in favor of the opinion that______.I firmly believe that you will benefit a lot from it.
On the other hand,however,it is ersier said than done.Practice is the most important factor,only when you pay attention to it and put it into social lives.Can you hold it sooner or later?

Answer 1

1.第一句太长了,中间有重复的部分,due to 后面的部分和前面合成一句话：With the development of human civilizaition as well as the significant social and technological changes,more and more...
开头一句过长,有头重脚轻的感觉.
另外,"more and more people怎样怎样"是中学生用法,宜用people in remarkably increasing number are...,或者a multitude of people...
2.后两句意思完全一样的：Different people hold diffent kinds of opinions toward it(不同的人有不同的观点),As a result(因此),the attitudes toward this issue vary from person to person.(不同的人观点不同).
把As a result后面那句改成：As a result,significant emphasize are putting on the compelling arguments supporting each assertion as follows:
正好顺接论点
3.倒数第四行开始,拼写错误：it is easier(ersier)...
最后一句话不通,没有put into social life之说,改成：only when you pay attention to it and put it into general and social practice,can you indeed handle it sooner or later.
最后,既然准备了这么长的模板,希望你不要背错单词.