高三英语作文求指教老师说我的作文每次都有些地方不地道,问具体哪些地方她又不说……所以想求教网友啊!麻烦各位看看这篇作文有哪些地方有错误或者是不地道?请根据以下提示,结合

Question

高三英语作文求指教
老师说我的作文每次都有些地方不地道,问具体哪些地方她又不说……所以想求教网友啊!麻烦各位看看这篇作文有哪些地方有错误或者是不地道?
　　请根据以下提示,结合自己生活中的一个事例,用英语写一篇短文.
"Good health is the foundation of fulfilling life. "said Chairman Mao. "Health is wealth !"goes an old saying. And it is often heard that money can not bring everything, but without it, one can do nothing.
作文正文如下：
As regards wealth and health, some may consider it a good way that consuming health to gain wealth then spending money to buy health back. While some people hold the view that health is more valuable than wealth. People's attitudes vary, but generally speaking, wealth and health are of the same value.
There're many students, regardless of resting, study so hard as to get a good job in the future. This common phenomenon leads to a serious situation. Without a good sleep, how could they focus on the study?
As the saying goes, exercise 1 hour everyday, and you could work 50 years with a healthy body. Wealth brings a good life, and we also need a healthy body to enjoy!
先谢谢大家了!

Answer 1

As regards wealth and health, some may consider it a good way that consuming health to gain wealth then spending money to buy health back. While some people(这里的some people 最好更改为others以便与上...