求哪位大神帮忙批改雅思作文谢谢！！题目：nowdaysthewaymanypeopleinteractwitheachotherhaschangedbecauseoftechnologyinwhatwayshastechnologyaffectedthetypesofrelationshipspeoplemake?hasthisbecomeaposit

Question

求哪位大神帮忙批改雅思作文 谢谢！！
题目：nowdays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology
in what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
has this become a positive or negative development?
内容： Nowadays with the development of technology such as mobile phone and the Internet ,the way people interact with each other changes enormously.Increasingly people rely on the mobile phone for communicate with their friends and colleagues and even become addicted to the internet ,which creat tremendous economic profits but also may cause Alienation among people .
From my point of view,I think there are several ways in which techonology affected the type of relationships people make. Firstly,compared with several years ago,now people now tend to use mobile phones instead of telephone to get in touch with each other.For example ,the success of Iphon4 which is produced by Apple Coorperation is a best illustration for the transition from telephone to moblie phone.
Secondly ,the widespread use of the internet is another factor contributing to the replacement of old type of relationships people make.The irresistible advent of the internet render a more efficient and convenient age. Not only can people communicate with each other through qq or email ,but also they can purchase nearly everything they want via the websit such as Taobao and Eaby . What's more is that computer games now become one of the most popular recreations for young people to idle their time away and the most famous among them include world and warcraft and dota and so on.
In the information age ,some people can not leave these products even for 1hour coz they would become anxious and depressed if they are not accompanied by these elecotronic products n their hand .
As it is said ,every thing has its two sides,so the development of these products has its detrimental effects on people ,but i suppose the advantages outstrip the drawbacks . We can't ban the ues of cars as the accidents rate are high,also ,it's not feasible to blame the development of techonology for all the faults,beacuse it depends on how we utilize them properly.

Answer 1

单词量有待增加； increasingly 是adv ； for communicating