修改文中语法错误（我最近写的,要投稿,100分起）ForeverWorld1.That’sasilentnight…Mydear,closeyoureyesandcomewithme,yourfriend,spreadingyourwingsofdream,let’sflyintoalandwhichisownedbyus…2.Yes,awor

Question

修改文中语法错误（我最近写的,要投稿,100分起）
Forever World
1.That’s a silent night…
My dear,close your eyes and come with me,your friend,spreading your wings of dream,let’s fly into a land which is owned by us…
2.Yes,a world for us.That’s a wonderful place.there is the flowers with golden happy face,and the sunlight is lullabying all the wishes.It’s sweeter than honey,prettier thana butter flying in the blue sky…
3.That’s a world of happiness and beauty.The silver bells are ringing in the wind,and the twinkling stars are laughing.Beside the path we are walking on,you can see those tall green trees.Colourful flowers are smiling.Nightingales are singing,and lovely squirrels are jumping from a tree to another.
4.In front of us,there’s the ocean of friendship.Millions of clear blue diamonds were sprinkled into the water.That’s why it appears so clean and pure.The moon is shining,like an icy ball in the sky.
5.Now,tell me,what’s your dream?
6.…
7.If you want to have the golden sun,you may feel its light and heat at once…
8.If you want to have the most colourful flower,it will grow and bloom in your heart,soon…
9.If you want to have the clearest stream,it has already wound on the ground near us…
10.If you want to have the prettiest bird,you will hear it singing beautifully in the tree behind you.
11.And,if you want to have the best friend in the world,you can find that I am the person you want.
12.I can give you all the nice things you need…Yes,all the nice things,for we are in our world,a wonderful world,forever…
标明段号,有点评最好,

Answer 1

1
觉得your friend应该改成my friend,这样上下文才比较通顺.反正我没看懂你为什么要用your,your指的是谁?
spreading改成spread,因为你close your eyes and come with me用的是动词原形,为了句子的整齐,你要么都用动词原形,要么都用动词+ing.
fly to是飞向某个地方
a land which is owned by us… 没有语法错误,但是根据上下文来看,我觉得改成a land which is only(just) owned by us更好.
2
there is the flowers with golden happy face,and the sunlight is lullabying all the wishes.
the去掉,我知道你是在特指,可是你这样用不通顺.还有the sunlight is lullabying all the wishes.这句话,我不知道你是想说什么.阳光催眠着所有的祝福?
prettier thana butter flying in the blue sky…改为 prettier than the butterfly （这里如果再写flying就重复了,文章就不好了）in the cerulean(蔚蓝色比蓝色好）sky
3
Beside the path we are walking on,you（你前面才说的we,这里怎么又说you?中文可以这么说,但英文前后是要一致的）)can see those tall green trees.
happiness and beauty.beauty应该成beauties 应为复数
from a tree to another改为from one tree to another
4
Millions of clear blue diamonds were sprinkled（sprinkle是指洒在表面,scatter指洒在里面,而且还有分散,扩散的意思.我觉得改为scatterde更好）into the water.楼主,不明白这里你为什么想用过去时,是想说过去被倒进水里吗?
9
it has already wound on（wound on是个词组?我没见过） the ground near us…
10.If you want to have the prettiest bird,you will hear it（这里把小鸟拟人化更好吧?） singing beautifully（musically是悦耳的,总是用beautifully有些过于单调了） in the tree behind you.
注：pretty虽是双音节词,但变为比较级时不能给前面加more.
in the front of是在一个限制范围内的前面.
比方说
The cat is in the front of the car.
猫在车子的前面（但它在车子里面）
The cat is in front of the car.
猫在车子的外面