我是雅思考生,写作不强,能不能帮忙批改这篇作文,这作文能不能5或5.13.Foodcanbeproducedcheaperifweuseimprovedfertilizersandbettermachinery.Question:modernmachineryandadvancedfarmingtechniques,Howeversomeofme

Question

我是雅思考生,写作不强,能不能帮忙批改这篇作文,这作文能不能5或5.
13.Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery.
Question:modern machinery and advanced farming techniques,
However some of methods may be dangerous for human health.,and have negative effects for local communities.
What is your opinion?
Answer:
The technique of agricultural is developing at a surprising speed and is solving the problem that the situation of Lacking of food.The destitute people will also have more food to eat and more choices of food can reach a most common household.But meanwhile,many disadvantages are appeared to show that methods are dangerous for human health.
For instance,food poisoning are happening every time in each country.Clearly,it is a serious problem that we should pay close attention when we have the food(with the remnants of chemical composition).especially some of the Contaminated food will do deeply harmful to your health.
Another disadvantage is also happening in our region.The wide use of modern machinery and advanced farming techniques will make the labor be too much.Afterwards ,they will crowd into the town and becoming a building worker ,a baby babysitters and so forth.So the problem comes.firstly,the local customer custom in there hometown will be lost.Secondly,the young children and the elderly will be the Family Left Behind.Mostly,it will be a great misfortune to the child who will not get any treasure from there parents.
Overalls,there is a conclusion that some of the method not only bing much harmful to our health,but also get unwell affection to our local communities and relatives.but that is not to say we should return to the firsthand.On the other hand ,some laws and regulations should limit to problem.the local government must shoulder this responsibility.

Answer 1

你写一边倒,写点利再写弊,整个逻辑更完整.题目是食品生产机械化,添加剂什么的虽然给生产效率产量什么带来明显增长,但是过度使用会危害人身体健康,也有可能导致劳动力过剩.感觉你写劳动力过剩的比重有点大,所以你前面可以先写点这个带来的好处.5.5可以.