求改下托福作文啊,嗨此生第一次写作文啊,写了2个多小时Obviously,settingupanewfactoryinthecommunitywillbringsomanybenefitsforthelocalresidence.Butthesewageandwastesareproducedbythefactorywhicharegreatl

Question

求改下托福作文啊,嗨此生第一次写作文啊,写了2个多小时
Obviously ,setting up a new factory in the community will bring so many benefits for the local residence.But the sewage and wastes are produced by the factory which are greatly affect the local people life.
Firstly,the new factory can stimulate the local economy and provides the substantial amount of work opportunity.Similarly,the local people could begin to open grocer,restaurants,entertainments to surve people who are work in the factory.Due to the revenue increase that local people could sent their children to high school or better school.Thus ,establish a new enterprise also can improve the local education horizon.
Secondly ,the new factory can provide many merchandise which people use it .it also absorb so many immigrants and lead to some issue like water defiant ,excessively inflated population and so on.
Merely ,there is no doubt that the new enterprise must contaminate the local environment and water resource.It might be a big issue .it can not be sustain every creatures because of the polluted water .
In short ,I believe that a new factory dose have suffience merits ,however ,we can not ignore the demerits because of the benefits .we must accurately deal with the relationship between the advantages and disadvantages ,mustn’t we.

Answer 1

Obviously ,setting up a new factory in the community will bring many benefits for the local residence;however,the sewage and wastes that are produced by the factory greatly affects the local people's life.
On the bright side,the factory stimulates the economy of the community.Firstly,the new factory can stimulates the local economy and provides a substantial amount of working opportunities; therefore,the local people could begin to open grocery stores,restaurants,and entertainments to serve workers who are working in the factory.Due to the revenue increase,local people could send their children to high school or let them obtain a better education.As a result,establish a new enterprise also can improve the local education horizon.
On the other hand,open up a new factory could pollute the environment.It absorbs many immigrants and could eventually lead to issue like water defiant ,excessively inflated population and so on.
Merely ,there is no doubt that the new enterprise will contaminate the local environment and water resource,which might be a big issue .It can not be benificial to everyone because of the possibilities of water contamination.
In conclusion,I believe that starting a new factory do have suffience merits ,however ,we can not ignore the disadventages because of the benefits .we must carefully weight both sides and decide what we need to do,mustn't we.
你写的还不错,不过我又帮你改了好多~现在应该可以了.如果还有问题可以再问我.
好累阿~!不过我是第一个回答的呢:)
:)