英语作文批改,有不足之处请都提出来,鄙人一定虚心接受各位前辈的意见.高中生面临沉重的学习压力,因此,很多同学课间休息时间也坐在教室里学习,但效果并不理想.就此,班主任准备开一次

Question

英语作文批改,有不足之处请都提出来,鄙人一定虚心接受各位前辈的意见.
高中生面临沉重的学习压力,因此,很多同学课间休息时间也坐在教室里学习,但效果并不理想.就此,班主任准备开一次班会课,以劝诫这些同学：适当的休息很有必要.现请你以“The Ten-minute Break BetweenClasses”为题,按以下要求写一篇英语短文,让这些同学从中受到启发.要点如下：1.请简要描述现象：很多同学在课间休息时间也坐在教室里学习,但效果并不理想；2.十分钟的课间休息很有必要；3.你是如何利用这十分钟休息时间的.注意：词数100词左右,开头已给出,不计入总词数.The Ten-minute BreakBetween Classes Time seems to be so limited for us senior high school students.
The Ten-minute Break Between Classes.Timeseems to be so limited for us senior high school students.Especially we are grade three now,and we will faceroughly stress every day.However,what need most at free time after class isrelax.Relaxing is very necessary,the reason why some students get good gradesis that they can relax themselves.If you continue studying hardly for a longtime,it would do harm to your health.What’s worse,some students even don’tget the grades as well as they want.
Here are some suggestions about how I makeuse of time after class.To begin with,normally but importantly.I want go tothe restroom.Next,I will eat some fruit such as apple.As a saying goes:Anapple a day keep doctors away.There are lots of nutrition in it.How helpfulit is!Last but not least,I will listening some English music or readingEnglish newspapers.Because it can improve our spoken English and contain ourknowledge.
In a word,as long as reading at theTen-minute Break Between Classes properly,it not only can improve your study,but also can release your stress.

Answer 1

礼拜天晚上发的, 估计是礼拜一要交的作业... 现在都快礼拜二了, 不知道来不来的及.. 来不及的话题主就当做学习了吧~ 只怪我看到的太晚..
Time seems to be so limited for us senior high school students.
Especially we are grade three now, and we will faceroughly stress every day. (建议:Especially for those grade-twelve students who face tremendous stress every day.)
However, what need most at free time after class is relax. (建议: However, having sufficient rest is also very crucial to our academic results.)
Relaxing is very necessary, the reason why some students get good gradesis that they can relax themselves. (建议: It is also one important reason why some students excel in their studies while others do not.)
If you continue studying hardly (单词建议: studying intensively) for a long time, it would do harm to your health. (建议: Studying intensively for a prolonged period of time could put your health at risk.)
What’s worse, some students even don’t get the grades as well as they want. (建议: What's more, hard work does not necessarily pay off - many students who overwork do not achieve their desired grades.)
Here are some suggestions about how I make use of time after class. (改进: Therefore, here are some suggestions on how I make use of my time after class.)
To begin with, normally but importantly. (应该是个逗号, 而且normally有点奇怪) I want go to the restroom. (建议: Unsurprisingly and doubtlessly, going to the restroom is the first thing I will do.)
Next, I will eat some fruit such as apple. As a (该为the比较好) saying goes: An apple a day keep doctors away. (改正: keeps the doctor away)
There are lots of nutrition in it. How helpful it is! (突然间感叹一下有点不合时宜..)
Last but not least, I will listening (will 後面+动词原形, listen. \x08而且应该是listen to ... music) some English music or reading (同理, read) English newspapers. Because (不建议用Because开头, 可以直接该为because, 连著上一句) it can improve our (该为my, 因为你分享的是你的时间分配) spoken English and contain (没有contain knowledge这种东西.. 可以改成broaden) my knowledge.
In a word, as long as reading at theTen-minute Break Between Classes properly, it not only can improve your study, but also can release (改成relieve) your stress. (建议: In a word, as long as you make good used of the ten-minute break between classes, you can not only improve your study, but also relieve some stress.)