自己有一篇英语文章找位英语达人帮我修改,包括拼写,语法,修辞,WhenIwasadmittedtotheMathematicsDepartmentofHunanUniversityofArtsandScience.IknewIwasaluckydogbecausesomethingwouldchangefromthattime.

Question

自己有一篇英语文章找位英语达人帮我修改,包括拼写,语法,修辞,
When I was admitted to the Mathematics Department of Hunan University of Arts and Science. I knew I was a lucky dog because something would change from that time.
In my childhood, I was always scolded by my mother for tearing toys down. At that time, I didn’t know what curiosity is. In 1998 summer vacation, I went along with my mother to Guangxi Province to spend my holiday. I could feel the bus bumping on its road. Suddenly I started to feel anxious about the driver. In case it was his first time to take this path or he didn’t know his route clearly .Consequently ,we couldn’t reach our destination on time. Was there a kind of apparatus which can tell the driver he should turn left at this corner and turn left the next one. This idea is always living in my mind. But in 2006, I saw a piece of advertisement. It was introducing an electronic equipment called Navigation King. I was very happy for realizing that a shining idea can turn out to be productivity and can facilitate others.
Majoring in Mathematics and Applied Mathematics is one of the most fortunate things in my life. I like Mathematical Analysis and Advance Algebra. Mathematical Analysis needs lots of skills. At the beginning, you’ll find it a little difficult and the theories are very abstract. For example, why it needs to break one unit length into equal 10 parts and then divide the left one tenth into another equal 10 parts again and again when discussing the Supermum Principle. Compared to Mathematical Analysis, Advanced Algebra doesn’t need that much exercise. But you must distinguish every definition exactly. For instance, what is matrix equivalence? What is matrix congruence? and what is matrix similar? I was always thinking I am good at Geometry. I started to cultivate my space imagination from my middle school. Until I came across this theory, two parallel lines can meet in a point eventually which broke all my superiority like a storm shaking my soul. After I did some research on it , it’s no longer that ridiculous and I can accept it. It was built on another system info which is different from Euclidean Space. How fascinating it is.
这是第一部分,谢谢.
第四部分
Eventually, our team was awarded 3rd prize at this contest. I am very glad to show you our works which will be enclosed in another envelope. In this works, I contributed two highlights, At the beginning, I gave a piecewise function to define the workload, with it we can figure out all the workload .At that time, we hadn’t had data structure courses in which this function will be related. I also put forward an original version, Self-Sufficiency, in finding which service can meet the demand in optimization. Meanwhile , I drawn the picture by Matlab.

Answer 1

写的很好,我只提出一些初步修改意见,第一段有些要稍作修改,尤其suddenly那句,我觉得可以试着重写.第二段基本无法修改.
When (I was删除) admitted to the Mathematics Department of Hunan University of Arts and Science.I knew I was a lucky dog because something would change from that time.
In my childhood,I was always scolded by my mother for tearing toys down.At that time,I didn’t know what curiosity is(was替换).In 1998 summer vacation,I went along with my mother to Guangxi Province to spend my holiday（In 1988,I went along with my mother to Guangxi province to spend my summer vacation.替换,原句冗余）.I could feel the bus bumping on its（the即可） road.Suddenly I started to feel anxious about the driver.In case it was his first time to take this path or he didn’t know his route clearly .Consequently,we couldn’t reach our destination on time.Was there a kind of apparatus which can tell the driver he should turn left at this corner and turn left（right） the next one.This idea is always living in my mind.But in 2006,I saw a piece of advertisement.It was introducing electronic equipment called Navigation King.I was very happy for realizing that a shining idea can turn out to be productivity and can facilitate others.
Majoring in Mathematics and Applied Mathematics is one of the most fortunate things in my life.I like Mathematical Analysis and Advance Algebra.Mathematical Analysis needs lots of skills.At the beginning,you’ll find it a little difficult and the theories are very abstract.For example,why it needs to break one unit length into equal 10 parts and then divide the left one tenth into another equal 10 parts again and again when discussing the Supermum Principle.Compared to Mathematical Analysis,Advanced Algebra doesn’t need that much exercise.But you must distinguish every definition exactly.For instance,what is matrix equivalence?What is matrix congruence?And what is matrix similar?I was always thinking I am good at Geometry.I started to cultivate my space imagination from my middle school.Until I came across this theory,two parallel lines can meet in a point eventually which broke all my superiority like a storm shaking my soul.After I did some researches on it,it’s no longer that ridiculous and I can accept it.It was built on another system info which is different from Euclidean Space.How fascinating it is.