请大家帮我改下这篇英语作文WealthorHealthIfmychoicewererestrictedbetweenhealthandwealth,theformerwouldholdmoreattractionforme.Foronething,aslongasyouhealth,youwilltocreatewealthinyourhands.Bycontrast,health

Question

请大家帮我改下这篇英语作文
Wealth or Health
If my choice were restricted between health and wealth,the former would hold more attraction for me.
For one thing,as long as you health,you will to create wealth in your hands.By contrast,health can make you lazy,because when you has a lot of money,don’t need a lot of things that you do.For other,when you have a lot of money,you will be famous.Some outlaws will on you for his money.In contrast to that,health is the biggest cost,only under the health premise can have other.
What wealth has achieved may be of much profit to many people while what health has fulfilled will be of great benefit to my life.

Answer 1

你是高中生吧,我水平有限,尽量不改变原意,尽量用你学过的单词,只能改这个程度了,相互学习嘛.如果有高手看见的话,请帮忙改改.
文章整体挺好的,尤其是最后一段（我没有改动）,但是文中有一些语法错误,而且应该少用重复的单词和短语,我们还得继续努力...
Wealth or Health
If I have to choose one from health and wealth,the former would hold my attraction more.
For one thing,health is the foundation of achieving wealth ,because we can create wealth as long as we are healthy.Whereas if you has a lot of money,wealth would make you lack of goals and you would be lazy and have no power to do what you want to do .For another ,when you are in wealth ,you might be famous and some outlaws would attact you for money.In contrast to that ,health is the biggest fortune and only by keeping in health can we guarantee to have the other one .
What wealth has achieved may be of much profit to many people while what health has fulfilled will be of great benefit to my life.