Cellphone作文第二段(2)老师,我的第二段Thepasttwentyyearswitnessedthefastdevelopmendofthecellthonealongwithscienceandtechnologywhichmakesthecellphonehasavarietyoffunctions.Notonlythecellphonecanmakecal

Question

Cell phone作文第二段(2) 老师,我的第二段
The past twenty years witnessed the fast developmend of the cell thone along with science and technology which makes the cell phone has a variety of functions . Not only the cell phone can make calls,but also it can do many other things , such as take photoes,send messages and so on.

Answer 1

修改：
The past twenty years has witnessed the fast development of the cell phone along with science and technology, which makes it have a variety of functions. Not only can it be used to make phone calls, but it can also do many other things, such as taking photos, sending messages and so on.
解释：
1. 第一句用现在完成时更好,the past twenty years视为一个整体,动词用单数形式；
2. 在technology和which之间用逗号隔开,这句话太长了,不利于读者的阅读和理解；
3. 文章用了太多次的the cell phone,应避免重复使用,可用it代替；
4. make后面的宾补动词用原形have,不能用三单形式has；
5. not only...but also...句型并列两个句子时,前面用部分倒装；而且后面的but also最好拆开使用.
6. the cell phone can make calls不妥,应该是the cell phone can be used to make calls；
7. such as视为介词,后面加并列的动名词短语. 原创回答团（第159号会员）