剑7雅思英语作文,高分求修改意见,不剩感激.Topic:itisgenerallybelievedthatsomepeoplearebornwithcertaintalents,forinstanceforsportormusic,andothersarenot.However,itissometimesclaimedthatanychildcanbetaughtto

Question

剑7雅思英语作文,高分求修改意见,不剩感激.
Topic:it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents,for instance for sport or music,and others are not.However,it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The discussion whether talents are a necessary condition to become successful in a field is a long-term debatable topic.Personally I believe both certain talents and practices play significant role for the development of a skill.
Talents cannot be ignored because we have witnessed that a huge number of good musicians or sports men were born with skills and particular interests in their respective fields.They,from the early age,fancied specifically on a kind of music or sports.At the same time,people around who discovered their talents would recommend or help train them to reach where they want.This is how the talents promote a person to be exceptional.
However,we all know that had the person with talents have not made efforts,he would not have achieved any outstanding results.It’s universally acknowledged that hard working is essential on the way to success.A child,without talents,could be taught to become a good sports person or musician provided that sufficient efforts and time have been put in.We can find plenty of evidence to support this view.Beethoven began to lose hearing at the age of 26.Did he get talents to continue composing music at that time?When definitely everyone would think it hopeless for him,he even performed his masterpiece in public.
All in all,it’s true that some people are born with certain talents,giving them an advantage at the beginning,whereas,further teaching and practices undoubtedly are required.Without the latter,a success cannot be achieved.

Answer 1

1.play significant role for the development of a skill.这个句子不要再用了,用烂了.
2.第二段首句的because 看不出有什么原因关联、、
3.整体来说还是不错的了,结构也比较清楚